For a long time, I've been refusing to admit that my chronic singleness has anything to do with me. There are some circumstances that I can't help. I work with a lot of women and not a lot of men. I'm very traditional in my view of relationships and most people my age are not. There is something else going on and it's on the inside.
You know, I thought that this whole dating thing would be fun. All of my friends think it should be fun, but it makes me anxious. The crazy part is that I know the thing making me anxious is the idea that I might end up really liking someone. I just have to admit that I don't have the open heart I thought I did when it comes to relationships.
Every time that I have had feelings for someone it has had to sneak up on me. I've always fought it. I am not really sure that I can change that about myself, and maybe it will prevent me from ever finding a serious relationship.
I do have some abandonment issues. I like to think that I walked out of my childhood trauma without a scratch or a bruise. I do know what my fear is. I think that meeting people on purpose is going to be a step forward for me. It is just going to be much harder than I thought.