We had a staff meeting today, and the Captain (my pseudonym for our principal) was talking about evaluations. He was talking about having conversations about how the year has gone for each of us. Recently, as you know if you have read much of this blog, my reaction to all things having to do with evaluation or administration is to shake in my boots (literally, because I love wearing boots lately).
When he said that, though, I thought about my year. It's been a great year! I love my class. I love my school. I have looked forward to coming to work every day for the first time since I started teaching. The only thing... The only thing that has been raining on my parade this year are memories of my bad experience last year.
I have to stop. I can either choose to keep believing that all the things said to me were true and eventually I will fail miserably at anything I try in education or I can choose to let it go. In life, letting go is almost always the right answer.
Showing posts with label teacher evaluation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teacher evaluation. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Evening News
Things today were fine. Uneventful. Easy.
I don't know what I was so worried about. My meeting with the principal was short. We talked about the lesson he observed and that was it. He was actually pretty helpful. He did not talk about his personal feelings at all. He did not give me a list of things to improve about myself personally or as a teacher.
I think it is time for me to start letting go of all my worry that is related to my job. I had a bad experience, but it doesn't mean all of my experiences are going to be that way.
In other news, no more roof rat sightings. Although, I was working from 6:30am until 7:00pm. My roommate would have called me if she saw anything, though. She, like myself, is deeply disturbed by our cable climbing friend...
I don't know what I was so worried about. My meeting with the principal was short. We talked about the lesson he observed and that was it. He was actually pretty helpful. He did not talk about his personal feelings at all. He did not give me a list of things to improve about myself personally or as a teacher.
I think it is time for me to start letting go of all my worry that is related to my job. I had a bad experience, but it doesn't mean all of my experiences are going to be that way.
In other news, no more roof rat sightings. Although, I was working from 6:30am until 7:00pm. My roommate would have called me if she saw anything, though. She, like myself, is deeply disturbed by our cable climbing friend...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Tomorrow Is the Big Day
I have to hear what the principal has to say about observing my lesson. I am not sure exactly what I think will happen. I feel like my observation went terribly, but it is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The old principal gave me this label that I am not a good teacher and even though I don't believe that on one level, I find myself searching for evidence that it is true. If anything this year has brought those insecurities to the surface it is this observation.
Most of the time, I am just relaxed and focused on teaching. Yet, during my observation my mind was going a mile a minute and I was much more worried about what the principal might be observing than about teaching. Then, I get scared to teach normally because I worry that if I handle things to firmly I'll be accused of being too strict again or that if I let things go I'll be accused of being too permissive again.
I have this idea that he is going to be all over me--like the old principal was--and that it is going to make me feel really terrible. Maybe I am just being insecure, but how can I not be? If I spend so much time looking for the label Principal Sadie gave me to be true, how can he not?
I have no reason to think he is dissatisfied with my performance other than the fact that I feel my observation did not go well, but what can I do?
On a completely unrelated side note, I am extremely disturbed because I just saw the first roof rat I have ever seen. I have known for years that this city has roof rats and I heard they were in the neighborhood, but I just spied one climbing the cable cord looped to our balcony. It really makes me want to cry. I have never seen a rat in an establishment where I lived. Thank God it was outside, but what if, what if it gets inside?!!! If I tell my roommate what I saw she will want to move, but maybe we need rat traps on her balcony. Noooooo!
The old principal gave me this label that I am not a good teacher and even though I don't believe that on one level, I find myself searching for evidence that it is true. If anything this year has brought those insecurities to the surface it is this observation.
Most of the time, I am just relaxed and focused on teaching. Yet, during my observation my mind was going a mile a minute and I was much more worried about what the principal might be observing than about teaching. Then, I get scared to teach normally because I worry that if I handle things to firmly I'll be accused of being too strict again or that if I let things go I'll be accused of being too permissive again.
I have this idea that he is going to be all over me--like the old principal was--and that it is going to make me feel really terrible. Maybe I am just being insecure, but how can I not be? If I spend so much time looking for the label Principal Sadie gave me to be true, how can he not?
I have no reason to think he is dissatisfied with my performance other than the fact that I feel my observation did not go well, but what can I do?
On a completely unrelated side note, I am extremely disturbed because I just saw the first roof rat I have ever seen. I have known for years that this city has roof rats and I heard they were in the neighborhood, but I just spied one climbing the cable cord looped to our balcony. It really makes me want to cry. I have never seen a rat in an establishment where I lived. Thank God it was outside, but what if, what if it gets inside?!!! If I tell my roommate what I saw she will want to move, but maybe we need rat traps on her balcony. Noooooo!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Might Be a Long Week for Me
The other day the teacher across the hall from me had her formal observation. We are always joking around and she thought it would be funny to try to scare me send me an e-mail telling me the new principal is really difficult and that she was almost in tears when he left. It worked. I was really really scared.
I have my formal observation on Tuesday. It is going to be really difficult for me to do well because I will be really nervous.
The funny thing is that I am starting to wonder if any of this really matters anyway. We just got another message from the superintendent warning about the severe budget cuts. I, and all second through third year teachers, may not even be teaching next year.
All these plans that I make go nowhere. I determine a course, but the Lord determines my footsteps.
I have my formal observation on Tuesday. It is going to be really difficult for me to do well because I will be really nervous.
The funny thing is that I am starting to wonder if any of this really matters anyway. We just got another message from the superintendent warning about the severe budget cuts. I, and all second through third year teachers, may not even be teaching next year.
All these plans that I make go nowhere. I determine a course, but the Lord determines my footsteps.
Friday, October 23, 2009
I Am Not Paranoid; I Just Know Everyone Is Out to Get Me!!!!
Yesterday, I got this e-vite to my classroom observation from the new principal (maybe I should stop calling him that).
truth:Everyone is being observed before Thanksgiving and everyone is getting e-vites.
2nd truth: My old friend, Principal Sadie, never did an announced observation last year even though she is required to, so I should really feel better about the fact that the new principal is following protocal.
Anyway, I immediately became paranoid. I know Principal Sadie left a big fat file on me. She, of course, did not let me read it, but I can imagine. Actually, I once caught a brief glimpse of it when she slapped it in front of me to show me where she had highlighted all parent complaints given on fifth grade teachers. I was lucky enough to have all the complaints about any fifth grade teachers attributed to me. The surveys didn't say who, but she felt sure they were about me. Anyway, I've always been waiting for the new principal to follow whatever awful advice she gave him. (This advice probably included things like pointing out everything I do wrong or could do better and not giving me an inch because my intolerable insubordinance would kick in.) To the new principal's credit, he has left me alone completely. I couldn't have worked for anyone better this year, because if there is any key to me succeeding this year and continuing in teaching, it is that I need room to figure things out.
All this to say, that I was getting really paranoid. He said he was coming for my Reading block. "Oh no," I thought, "He must know that Reading is my weakest subject to teach. He probably already has a list of problems he wants to observe." I was getting really freaked out. What if he has a surprise file to slap in front of me?
This morning, the other third grade teachers were telling me that at our team meeting I missed on Wed they looked at the scores for district Reading tests and mine were really high. Apparently, the new principal told them he noticed this. Maybe he actually wants to look at what I might be doing right. Lord knows, I could use some attention for good test scores after all the "accountability" I got for low ones.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgG-Ilvd8GE
truth:Everyone is being observed before Thanksgiving and everyone is getting e-vites.
2nd truth: My old friend, Principal Sadie, never did an announced observation last year even though she is required to, so I should really feel better about the fact that the new principal is following protocal.
Anyway, I immediately became paranoid. I know Principal Sadie left a big fat file on me. She, of course, did not let me read it, but I can imagine. Actually, I once caught a brief glimpse of it when she slapped it in front of me to show me where she had highlighted all parent complaints given on fifth grade teachers. I was lucky enough to have all the complaints about any fifth grade teachers attributed to me. The surveys didn't say who, but she felt sure they were about me. Anyway, I've always been waiting for the new principal to follow whatever awful advice she gave him. (This advice probably included things like pointing out everything I do wrong or could do better and not giving me an inch because my intolerable insubordinance would kick in.) To the new principal's credit, he has left me alone completely. I couldn't have worked for anyone better this year, because if there is any key to me succeeding this year and continuing in teaching, it is that I need room to figure things out.
All this to say, that I was getting really paranoid. He said he was coming for my Reading block. "Oh no," I thought, "He must know that Reading is my weakest subject to teach. He probably already has a list of problems he wants to observe." I was getting really freaked out. What if he has a surprise file to slap in front of me?
This morning, the other third grade teachers were telling me that at our team meeting I missed on Wed they looked at the scores for district Reading tests and mine were really high. Apparently, the new principal told them he noticed this. Maybe he actually wants to look at what I might be doing right. Lord knows, I could use some attention for good test scores after all the "accountability" I got for low ones.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgG-Ilvd8GE
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