Sunday, November 8, 2009

Tomorrow Is the Big Day

I have to hear what the principal has to say about observing my lesson. I am not sure exactly what I think will happen. I feel like my observation went terribly, but it is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The old principal gave me this label that I am not a good teacher and even though I don't believe that on one level, I find myself searching for evidence that it is true. If anything this year has brought those insecurities to the surface it is this observation.

Most of the time, I am just relaxed and focused on teaching. Yet, during my observation my mind was going a mile a minute and I was much more worried about what the principal might be observing than about teaching. Then, I get scared to teach normally because I worry that if I handle things to firmly I'll be accused of being too strict again or that if I let things go I'll be accused of being too permissive again.

I have this idea that he is going to be all over me--like the old principal was--and that it is going to make me feel really terrible. Maybe I am just being insecure, but how can I not be? If I spend so much time looking for the label Principal Sadie gave me to be true, how can he not?

I have no reason to think he is dissatisfied with my performance other than the fact that I feel my observation did not go well, but what can I do?

On a completely unrelated side note, I am extremely disturbed because I just saw the first roof rat I have ever seen. I have known for years that this city has roof rats and I heard they were in the neighborhood, but I just spied one climbing the cable cord looped to our balcony. It really makes me want to cry. I have never seen a rat in an establishment where I lived. Thank God it was outside, but what if, what if it gets inside?!!! If I tell my roommate what I saw she will want to move, but maybe we need rat traps on her balcony. Noooooo!

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