Monday, November 2, 2009

Why Is It So Hard????

I want to be completely past the events of last year. I want to be confident and happy and unaffected. I am just not there yet.

In some ways, I am a much better teacher than I was when I started two and a half years ago. It seems, though, that my molehill of progress is overshadowed by my mountain of insecurity. One of my parent volunteers today was asking me how I like teaching. For some reason, once again, the words felt caught in my throat.

I have been doing so much better, but evaluation time is really surfacing my insecurities. I am supposed to be observed tomorrow, and I can't visualize myself being successful at all.

I know, if I could relax about all this, I'd do much better. I can't seem to relax, though. I feel like my precariously balanced confidence will be knocked over again.

2 comments:

Ms. Elem Matters said...

I, too, hate observations. My trick is to never look at the person/troop of people who are observing. I focus on the kids and act like no one else is there. Try it and see if it works for you. :)

ms.understood said...

That is a good tip. I think I didn't look at the person observing at all today...