I want to be completely past the events of last year. I want to be confident and happy and unaffected. I am just not there yet.
In some ways, I am a much better teacher than I was when I started two and a half years ago. It seems, though, that my molehill of progress is overshadowed by my mountain of insecurity. One of my parent volunteers today was asking me how I like teaching. For some reason, once again, the words felt caught in my throat.
I have been doing so much better, but evaluation time is really surfacing my insecurities. I am supposed to be observed tomorrow, and I can't visualize myself being successful at all.
I know, if I could relax about all this, I'd do much better. I can't seem to relax, though. I feel like my precariously balanced confidence will be knocked over again.