Today, I graduated from Defensive Driving School. After four and a half long hours, 200$ in fees, and several gory videos I received a certificate of completion nullifying my photo radar kit. I was able to get a 95% on my pre-test which I feel means that I graduated number one in my class of fifty. Usually a valedictorian gives a speech. Since I was denied that honor, I thought I would give my speech here.
Fellow violators, families, traffic enforcement cops, as we reach the end of this journey we will drive on, but we will drive on more cautiously because of what took place here today. It is the Saturday before Christmas and none of us wanted to spend the day learning to be defensive drivers, but it is also a recession and we can't afford to pay higher insurance premiums.
I don't really think we needed to learn to be defensive drivers. I, for one, have been a defensive driver ever since I first got behind the wheel at fifteen. When my mother tried to attack my driving by telling me that I was driving in two lanes or that I was about to hit another car or a small child or something, I defended myself and I still would. What we needed to learn was how bad it is to get a ticket and I think we all did.
I want to thank all the people in my life who made this moment a reality for me. First, thank you to my family who taught me to drive above the speed limit even before I had a license. Thanks also to my job. If I wouldn't have been on the freeway at 6:30am, I wouldn't have felt the need to roll through my right on red. Finally thank you to the state who has put up photo radar on every red light. I think I know what picture I'll be using for my graduation pics!