When I was a little girl I had some bad habits that my mother tried to break me of. I was always leaving the light on, the radio going, the cereal box out, or the door open. I don't have the same drive to finish things well that I have to start them. I have a lot of half-read books. I have even more half written pieces. All these things are minor, but my tendency to switch courses runs deeper. For example, this is the first year that I haven't moved in six years (although part of that is due to college). I switch churches all the time. I am trying to stick with things more, but I also know that when you've turned off all the lights and the radio and closed the door that it is okay to change rooms.
I say all of this because I have that bug again recently. I just want to have a new adventure.
I started to feel that way last year, but I recognized that I just had a difficult task before me and did not run away. Now, it is different, though. I like what I am doing. I don't feel stressed out and I have a very pleasant life.
It is not that I want to abandon teaching altogether. Honestly, I've spent the last seven years of my life learning how to teach. It's just that I am in the same city, same district even, I went to elementary school in. I am grateful to them because they have taught me a lot, but I think it is time for something new. For the first time in my teaching career, I know that I have something to give as a teacher. I still have a lot to learn, but I know can do well enough to be an effective teacher. I have a desire to try this skill out somewhere else.
This idea has been growing in my head for a couple of months now, but I kind of want to teach overseas. I started thinking about teaching in China, Japan, or S. Korea when I was looking at the possibility of another rif. I am realizing, though, that I was kind of hoping all this would occur so that I could go teach overseas.
As a Christian, it is hard for me to know when my flawed nature is prompting me to always be wanting something different and when God is prompting me to go. I went to college hundreds of miles from home (in spite of my local scholarships) because I wanted a change. Yet, I know God worked in my life through that. How do I know now if I am just being fickle or if God really wants me to change courses?
1 comment:
The urge to move reminds me of the book, Chocolat, when the protagonist would always want to move when the winds of change blew in.
My first years of marriage were filled with moves. From 1994-2003 we moved six times. Since then, we've been in the same place, but have been on the lookout for something bigger. Although there are things I don't like about our place, I dread the upheaval (AND the packing).
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