So, my first day back was hard. I thought it would be fine because it has been a long time since the events of May and I thought I was okay with things now. It was hard though, I felt all the insecurities I have now weighing on me. I think I am used to the fact that I have to move grade levels now. It is all the things the principal said to me more than what she did that is like a slap in the face as I try to go on doing this. I didn't understand after my first year of teaching why a lot of new teachers quit, but now I do.
Part of the reason I started writing this blog is because there is not so much out there about the human side of teaching. As public servants, we suffer a lot of times behind closed doors. We don't talk about the struggles that come with the territory because, well, sometimes that comes with the territory too. Our job isn't all academic and neither are our failures. Sometimes doing this job hurts in a very real way. Today I felt some of that. Yet, it's funny who is paying attention to behind the scenes at a school and who helps. Here are a couple of stories from today.
The school secretary picked up on the fact that I was feeling a little overwhelmed about being back and said, "Now, don't you go and make me cry. These things take time." She went and got me kleenex and in walked the building manager. "Don't be upset," she said, "you have a lot of moms here." I guess I do.
My old team baked me some kind of breakfast sandwich and left it in my mailbox. "Where have you been?!" They said as soon as I walked in, "and go check your mailbox right now."
Maybe all this is out of my system now, but I don't thinks so. The former principal is that voice inside my head telling me that I can't. She's left our school now, but her actions and comments are sticking with me.