Sunday, June 20, 2010

20,000 Minutes

Maybe I am just one of those people meant to be lonely. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself, but there is this commercial that keeps coming on tv and I swear that it is mocking me! It says something like the average person spends 20,000 minutes kissing. Really? I think I am way behind.

Ever since I've emerged from my three year coma (that's what I've decided to call the three years I spent totally obsessed with work), I've been having a good old time by myself, but suddenly I want to date someone. Believe it or not, my life is not totally devoid of eligible bachelors. Lately my work friends have been bringing around a lot of really good looking guys. One has been asking me out on facebook and another one sending pictures of himself to me on a cell phone. The door is right there and I could easily start going through that door. I have been hesitant to pursue any of this because I feel like I am meeting these guys through a lifestyle that I am not serious about.

I like to go out sometimes with my friends from work. Occasionally I have fun drinking too much. For me, it is kind of a guilty pleasure, but for them it is more of a lifestyle. I go out and meet a lot of people, but I can't feel completely like a part of that group because I don't belong there.

On the opposite end, my family thinks I should "meet a nice boy at church." Honestly, I've only been attending church sporadically, and when I am there I don't feel like I really fit in. My beliefs haven't changed. I am just having trouble balancing truth and tolerance. Is it wrong that I don't want to go on a date where some guy asks me, "How is your walk with God?" I just don't.

Maybe you think I am being too picky, and maybe I am. The thing is that I know that I am not perfect, and I certainly am not looking for Mr. Perfect, but I need to meet someone who is compatible with my lifestyle. At heart, I am not a party girl, but I am not a submissive wife either. Everyone thinks I should just give these guys a shot, but I don't want to meet someone that I expect to change for me.

So, maybe I'll never make the 20,000 minutes kissing quota, but it is not that easy! Sometimes I wish life was like the Bachelorette. It would be really easy if there were a bunch of guys I wanted to date and really liked and I had to pick the best option. It just hasn't been like that, though.


Vagabond Teacher said...

I'm right there with you! I go from wishing I had a romantic interest to watching my friends' problems with their significant others and thinking it's not worth the bother. Sadly, unlike you, I am not in a position where I'm meeting men at all.

Clix said...

Well, what sort of lifestyle ARE you serious about? Is there a way you can pursue your own passions in a social manner? Because that way, the guys you meet would theoretically be more of a match for you! :)