Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Indecent Proposals

I am sorry for misleading you with my title because the proposals aren't actually indecent at all, but I feel obligated to throw some spice into my writing and sensationalize slightly--at least in title. I've been writing a lot lately about how I feel kind of trapped. When my job was so hard that I could barely make it through, I couldn't really quit. Oh, I talked a good bit about it, but when it was really hard I had to conquer it. You could call it stubbornness or perseverance or masochism--it doesn't really matter--I just had to keep trying. When I had graduate school to finish, I couldn't quit that either. If that meant eating macaroni and cheese and draining my bank account, I was going to do it.

Now, my job is still hard work, but it's not over my head. I've finished graduate school. I feel a little stir crazy. It's like I need the universe to play chicken with me and dare me to do something I can't do.

So, that leads me to yesterday. It was like a game show asking me to look behind doors.

Door Number 1.)
I was cleaning and scrubbing the house because I can't resist that when I have time off, when my phone started buzzing. It was PreLawGuy checking in again. I know that he still wants to see where things might go, and while I had closed the door--even slammed it shut--I could almost hear the universe daring me to make it work.

Door Number 2.)
One of my two best friends has a birthday on Christmas and every year for ten years the three of us have been celebrating together. We went out and my friend was telling us about her job offer in San Francisco. "You should come with me," she said, "I'll need a roommate." Because I have my Master's Degree and four years experience transferring my license isn't too hard and even if I couldn't find a teaching job, I would be half tempted to do something else--just because. It would be crazy and San Francisco might be the one place the economy is worse than here, but it was intriguing just the same.

Door Number 3.)
After dinner, we were hanging out at my friend's house. I was trying to explain my restlessness related to my job. Suprisingly, my friends both said, "You should be writing." I say, suprisingly, because they have no idea about my secret writing addiction on my blog. I just don't tell anyone about it who has any proximity to my workplace. I do have a secret ambition to travel far away and write about it. Perhaps this is fueled by my addiction to National Geographic. This does seem like the craziest door of all.

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