Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Shell Shock??

It's summer break now and my living room looks like Barbie's workshop. Okay, that sounds dirty, but that is not how I meant it! I am making a bunch of tutus for a party we're having on Saturday.

For me, summer vacation feels like stepping out of a spaceship and back onto planet Earth after many months in a galaxy far far away. Everyone in the civilian world is just so used to living life and being human and stuff. I kind of remember what it was like to be a card carrying citizen of the human race, but then again I know in the back of my mind I am only here on a visiting visa from Planet Teacher. Soon, I will be back in a world of disaggregated data, AYPs, IEPs, differential instruction, value added measures, and the like; and this strange vacation called summer will be like a distant dream.

Seriously, it is like all of this stuff is on my back doorstep because I haven't had time to deal with it. Suddenly time is staring me in the face like a threat and I don't know what to do about it. I woke up this morning and I didn't feel like getting dressed or doing anything--so I didn't.

The thing is that when I could be obsessed with test scores and inclusion and work in general, I didn't have to grapple with some major personal questions I am grappling with. What exactly do I believe and what exactly do I not believe? Why did I quit dating and what should I be doing differently if I actually want to meet someone? What am I going to do next year if both of my roommates move by October?

Then there are the deaths. My cousin and my grandmother died this year. I am not sure I've properly dealt with any of that.

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