Where I live it is really sunny. You have to squint and the sun kisses your skin reminding you that it is summer. Last night, I was transported to my Grandparents pool. I could feel the summer sun and the cool water. I was swimming with my two brothers and my two cousins. We were goofing around and it was a happy dream until...
Suddenly, I became aware that I was in the past and I knew what was going to happen to my cousin. He was still having such a good time in the sun, in the water; he had no idea. I wanted to warn him what was going to happen, but I knew I wasn't allowed. It's like the words and the thoughts were stuck inside of me and all I could do was exist in the happiness of that moment. At the same time, I was sad and I wanted to leave because I couldn't do anything to help and all I could think about was what was going to happen. Still the sun was shining and everyone was having a wonderful time.
I woke up and I was a little disconcerted, but I went on with my day. I decided to continue with my project reorganizing my desk and closet. I went to Walmart to get some things to help me. Once I arrived about a mile away, the sun shined down on me, and I remembered that, that very Walmart was where my last memory of my cousin was. It was the night of my mom's fiftieth birthday last year and he and my grandad and I had gone there to get more tupperware to store the leftovers from the party because there had been a lot and Walmart is the only place that sells tupperware still open that late at night. Suddenly with the sun and the memory I felt that same feeling from my dream, I felt guilty that I couldn't warn him.
Later when I got back from Walmart I found the program from his funeral on my desk. I knew it was time, so I moved it to a box with the other things I've saved from childhood.
I don't know if a time is going to come when I have access to those happy memories again without a dark shadow, but for right now I just feel like all those years and all those times that we all thought were just about growing up were everything for him. It just seems unfair, like someone should have told him that this was it.