My best friend came over last night. She told me that she is getting a divorce. I am not that surprised, except for the timing. I am happy that this year, at least I am not totally preoccupied by my work issues... I know it is important to be there for my best friend. I guess divorces happen, but I never thought my friends my age would be going through this when we're 24.
In other news, we caught a rat. Literally. It was on the roof.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Over to Under: Achiever That Is
Every Monday night, at Graduate School, I eat Taco Bell. Usually a Chicken and Ranch salad--it's very good. Everyone else is furiously scribbling notes down, I've quit listening. I have a big textbook that I haven't read. I have a midterm over eight chapters on Monday. I'm not going to read or study. I already told my friend I would hang out with her tonight and I'm not going to do it before then.
Our professor assures us that this midterm will be hard and we won't do that well. Everyone else is all stressed out and studying. I feel like it would be a bigger gamble to waste my day studying when it might not be hard. I figure that I could study hard for the final if necessary to make up for a bad grade, but I could never get my wasted day of studying back.
As an undergraduate, I was so studious. I always thought that my personality was kind of an overachiever. I don't think that is true, though. My personality is more like a workaholic. Ergo, because my job fulfills that part of my persona, I am no longer motivated to put extra work into graduate school.
What did I do with my free day? NOTHING.
Our professor assures us that this midterm will be hard and we won't do that well. Everyone else is all stressed out and studying. I feel like it would be a bigger gamble to waste my day studying when it might not be hard. I figure that I could study hard for the final if necessary to make up for a bad grade, but I could never get my wasted day of studying back.
As an undergraduate, I was so studious. I always thought that my personality was kind of an overachiever. I don't think that is true, though. My personality is more like a workaholic. Ergo, because my job fulfills that part of my persona, I am no longer motivated to put extra work into graduate school.
What did I do with my free day? NOTHING.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Show Down
I've written before about having duty on the primary playground. I teach intermediate grades for a reason, and I teach a younger grade than I actually want to. Anyway, I'll just say that I salute K-2 teachers because it is a wild world over on the "little kid" playground.
I got into a situation with one of the kids on the primary playground about two weeks ago.
One of the rules for the primary playground is that the kids can't go up on the hill at the far end of the field. I spend every Thursday morning telling kids to get off that hill--it's awesome.
One kindergartner was on the hill and I motioned for him to get down. He looked right at me and walked on up the hill. I went over to him and told him with my authoritative voice to "come down immediately." He looked at me and walked away. I said, "hey come here, now." Then he starts running away from me. By then, my blood was boiling and I was trying to catch up with him just so I could get his name and give him a behavior write-up. Then, the bell rings, and he goes running up to HIS MOM.
"Is this your son?" I asked her.
"Yes," she answered, "I was watching to see if he would respond to you." I really don't know how to answer a parent being this ridiculous.
"I told him to come down from the hill, and he ran away from me."
"He doesn't know what he is doing?" she informed me. "He has autism."
"Well, this sort of behavior is an automatic write up," I said, "I am not familiar with his IEP, but I will pass this information on to his teacher and she can decide how to handle it."
While I was talking to his teacher, the mom is standing there with her arms crossed because clearly I am ignorant of what it means to be autistic. Long story short: the kid did not get written up.
I saw mother and son out there breaking the playground rules again today. It just makes my blood boil. I am no expert in autism, but I know when a kid looks at me and decides to the exact opposite of what I say.
There is no way I am taking this kid and his mom when he is in the intermediate grades. I will require him to follow directions whether it is difficult or not.
I got into a situation with one of the kids on the primary playground about two weeks ago.
One of the rules for the primary playground is that the kids can't go up on the hill at the far end of the field. I spend every Thursday morning telling kids to get off that hill--it's awesome.
One kindergartner was on the hill and I motioned for him to get down. He looked right at me and walked on up the hill. I went over to him and told him with my authoritative voice to "come down immediately." He looked at me and walked away. I said, "hey come here, now." Then he starts running away from me. By then, my blood was boiling and I was trying to catch up with him just so I could get his name and give him a behavior write-up. Then, the bell rings, and he goes running up to HIS MOM.
"Is this your son?" I asked her.
"Yes," she answered, "I was watching to see if he would respond to you." I really don't know how to answer a parent being this ridiculous.
"I told him to come down from the hill, and he ran away from me."
"He doesn't know what he is doing?" she informed me. "He has autism."
"Well, this sort of behavior is an automatic write up," I said, "I am not familiar with his IEP, but I will pass this information on to his teacher and she can decide how to handle it."
While I was talking to his teacher, the mom is standing there with her arms crossed because clearly I am ignorant of what it means to be autistic. Long story short: the kid did not get written up.
I saw mother and son out there breaking the playground rules again today. It just makes my blood boil. I am no expert in autism, but I know when a kid looks at me and decides to the exact opposite of what I say.
There is no way I am taking this kid and his mom when he is in the intermediate grades. I will require him to follow directions whether it is difficult or not.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
BFFs, Sexual Ethics, and Hell
Wow! I have a day off and look what happens. That's all I can say about the title of my post.
The fifth grade team of teachers I worked with for two years was the most experienced team at my school. I loved working with them because I learned so much and all of them were so mature that we didn't have a lot of unnecessary drama. As much as we all got along, we didn't get together that frequently outside of school. They were all in a different phase of life than me.
BFFs
I have decided to call my new team BFFs--not because I like them better than my old team but because we hang out together a lot more outside of work. We go to Happy Hour or someone's house. We all have facebook and we text each other. We all like nice clothes and makeup and cute hairstyles. One of my teammates is newly single. She is trying to get me to go on a date with this friend of hers. He's a pro-golfer and she thinks we would be perfect for each other.
Sexual Ethics
We have a lot in common on BFFs Team, but one thing that they don't understand yet is my identity as a Christian. I have said before that I live a rather monastic existence. I live that way because my worldview is securely theistic. They know I go to church and they know I believe in God. I'm not just a church on sunday occasionaly praying Christian, though. Everything I do is informed and motivated by my belief in and relationship with an active God.
I think it is easy not to really notice that I drink but don't get drunk. I think it is easy to attribute my insistence on treating people well to a personality trait (it's not true but it's plausible). It is easy to think my heart for others is part of my identity as a teacher. One thing they will notice are my radically different sexual ethics. I think you know what I mean without me saying it... I don't even know how to approach that either. I can go on a date with this guy, but I know it's not going anywhere because my worldview will clash with his idea of dating. As I get older, I understand so much more why I need to date someone with the same worldview.
Hell
The last part I hesitate even to bring up, but it is a hard line to walk when your good friends don't believe what you do. Of course, I worry about their salvation. Of course, I pray that all my friends who don't know God would know him (eternally and presently). Yet, it's not something we can really talk about. This culture says let everyone believe as they do and do not assume you know better. If salvation is faith based, how could I do that?
The fifth grade team of teachers I worked with for two years was the most experienced team at my school. I loved working with them because I learned so much and all of them were so mature that we didn't have a lot of unnecessary drama. As much as we all got along, we didn't get together that frequently outside of school. They were all in a different phase of life than me.
BFFs
I have decided to call my new team BFFs--not because I like them better than my old team but because we hang out together a lot more outside of work. We go to Happy Hour or someone's house. We all have facebook and we text each other. We all like nice clothes and makeup and cute hairstyles. One of my teammates is newly single. She is trying to get me to go on a date with this friend of hers. He's a pro-golfer and she thinks we would be perfect for each other.
Sexual Ethics
We have a lot in common on BFFs Team, but one thing that they don't understand yet is my identity as a Christian. I have said before that I live a rather monastic existence. I live that way because my worldview is securely theistic. They know I go to church and they know I believe in God. I'm not just a church on sunday occasionaly praying Christian, though. Everything I do is informed and motivated by my belief in and relationship with an active God.
I think it is easy not to really notice that I drink but don't get drunk. I think it is easy to attribute my insistence on treating people well to a personality trait (it's not true but it's plausible). It is easy to think my heart for others is part of my identity as a teacher. One thing they will notice are my radically different sexual ethics. I think you know what I mean without me saying it... I don't even know how to approach that either. I can go on a date with this guy, but I know it's not going anywhere because my worldview will clash with his idea of dating. As I get older, I understand so much more why I need to date someone with the same worldview.
Hell
The last part I hesitate even to bring up, but it is a hard line to walk when your good friends don't believe what you do. Of course, I worry about their salvation. Of course, I pray that all my friends who don't know God would know him (eternally and presently). Yet, it's not something we can really talk about. This culture says let everyone believe as they do and do not assume you know better. If salvation is faith based, how could I do that?
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
To the Veterans in My Life
This is my blog about being a young teacher, but today's post is really just about being young in the U.S. today. It is a different thing to grow up in a country at war than a country at peace. My generation is the bulk of the fighting force overseas, and my mom pointed out that I have seen more of my peers go to war than she ever saw of her's. This post is meant to be existential not political.
I have long believed that if there was any man in this world that I am most prone to fall in love with it would be a soldier. Courage is the virtue I admire most in anyone. I was raised by a Southern family. I was raised to admire soldiers and that has never worn off of me. I am only recently coming to see the sacrifice demanded. This is an honest post about Veterans I have known and do know. Thank you to those soldiers and families who make sacrifices.
Ty's Story
I met Ty when he was 13 and I was 14. He was a weird kid. The first thing he said to me was, “Look.” He held out his hand, as he said, that and his hand was covered with hundreds of pins woven through the outer layers of skin. I have to admit that there was something I really liked about him even then because he had the guts to be totally bizarre. Everyone at school hated him because he was this weird scrawny guy. I remember being surprised when he actually graduated from high school when I was a freshman in college. Ty was my good friend, though, in spite of our different circles at school.
After high school, Ty enlisted. He was still a scrawny kid. Between my going away to college and his overseas service (in Iraq), I didn’t see Ty for a year. The odd thing was that Ty became a celebrated soldier. When I saw him next, he was 19 and I was 20. He was so different. He wasn’t that oddball, scrawny kid anymore. He was a confident man. He made me seem like a little girl—I am sure I was compared to him at that point.
About a year later, Ty was in Iraq again and something happened. He watched his best friend die. He suddenly wanted out. He was calling his mom in tears and I distinctly remember my mom calling to tell me how worried his mom was.
Ty did get out since then. Actually, he got married. He’s been broken though, and every time I see him that is my first thought. Something in him was a casualty of this war, though he did not give his life. Where did that weird kid go to?
My Dad
I was in a military family when I was young. My mom has told me many times that the military years were the best years of her marriage. I remember more than she thinks, though, of Operation Desert Storm. I know that my Dad witnessed more than he could handle over there. I know he couldn’t sleep anymore. I was in kindergarten, but I remember the impact on him. I wonder if the sad path he went down was impacted by what he saw.
Jon's Story
My friend Jon grew up at my house much like a third brother. He struggled with his family and I guess our family was easier for him to be with. My mom helped him because he needed it. He actually married one of my friends from high school. He tried to be a family man with a normal job for his wife and two young daughters, he always wanted to be a soldier though.
He was in and out of college and every job under the sun. He couldn’t get it together. He joined the military about a year ago and has excelled. His wife told me her marriage is happier now and he is happier. He’s still in training because he is joining a very specialized force.
Things look so good for him, but he will be sent out after he finishes all this training. I wonder what will happen to him. I pray for him a lot.
I don’t pretend to be an expert on foreign policy or even psychology. I just know that a lot of idealistic boys leave war jaded, broken men. We should not forget them in our prayers and thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By1SZiSity4
I have long believed that if there was any man in this world that I am most prone to fall in love with it would be a soldier. Courage is the virtue I admire most in anyone. I was raised by a Southern family. I was raised to admire soldiers and that has never worn off of me. I am only recently coming to see the sacrifice demanded. This is an honest post about Veterans I have known and do know. Thank you to those soldiers and families who make sacrifices.
Ty's Story
I met Ty when he was 13 and I was 14. He was a weird kid. The first thing he said to me was, “Look.” He held out his hand, as he said, that and his hand was covered with hundreds of pins woven through the outer layers of skin. I have to admit that there was something I really liked about him even then because he had the guts to be totally bizarre. Everyone at school hated him because he was this weird scrawny guy. I remember being surprised when he actually graduated from high school when I was a freshman in college. Ty was my good friend, though, in spite of our different circles at school.
After high school, Ty enlisted. He was still a scrawny kid. Between my going away to college and his overseas service (in Iraq), I didn’t see Ty for a year. The odd thing was that Ty became a celebrated soldier. When I saw him next, he was 19 and I was 20. He was so different. He wasn’t that oddball, scrawny kid anymore. He was a confident man. He made me seem like a little girl—I am sure I was compared to him at that point.
About a year later, Ty was in Iraq again and something happened. He watched his best friend die. He suddenly wanted out. He was calling his mom in tears and I distinctly remember my mom calling to tell me how worried his mom was.
Ty did get out since then. Actually, he got married. He’s been broken though, and every time I see him that is my first thought. Something in him was a casualty of this war, though he did not give his life. Where did that weird kid go to?
My Dad
I was in a military family when I was young. My mom has told me many times that the military years were the best years of her marriage. I remember more than she thinks, though, of Operation Desert Storm. I know that my Dad witnessed more than he could handle over there. I know he couldn’t sleep anymore. I was in kindergarten, but I remember the impact on him. I wonder if the sad path he went down was impacted by what he saw.
Jon's Story
My friend Jon grew up at my house much like a third brother. He struggled with his family and I guess our family was easier for him to be with. My mom helped him because he needed it. He actually married one of my friends from high school. He tried to be a family man with a normal job for his wife and two young daughters, he always wanted to be a soldier though.
He was in and out of college and every job under the sun. He couldn’t get it together. He joined the military about a year ago and has excelled. His wife told me her marriage is happier now and he is happier. He’s still in training because he is joining a very specialized force.
Things look so good for him, but he will be sent out after he finishes all this training. I wonder what will happen to him. I pray for him a lot.
I don’t pretend to be an expert on foreign policy or even psychology. I just know that a lot of idealistic boys leave war jaded, broken men. We should not forget them in our prayers and thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By1SZiSity4
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Evening News
Things today were fine. Uneventful. Easy.
I don't know what I was so worried about. My meeting with the principal was short. We talked about the lesson he observed and that was it. He was actually pretty helpful. He did not talk about his personal feelings at all. He did not give me a list of things to improve about myself personally or as a teacher.
I think it is time for me to start letting go of all my worry that is related to my job. I had a bad experience, but it doesn't mean all of my experiences are going to be that way.
In other news, no more roof rat sightings. Although, I was working from 6:30am until 7:00pm. My roommate would have called me if she saw anything, though. She, like myself, is deeply disturbed by our cable climbing friend...
I don't know what I was so worried about. My meeting with the principal was short. We talked about the lesson he observed and that was it. He was actually pretty helpful. He did not talk about his personal feelings at all. He did not give me a list of things to improve about myself personally or as a teacher.
I think it is time for me to start letting go of all my worry that is related to my job. I had a bad experience, but it doesn't mean all of my experiences are going to be that way.
In other news, no more roof rat sightings. Although, I was working from 6:30am until 7:00pm. My roommate would have called me if she saw anything, though. She, like myself, is deeply disturbed by our cable climbing friend...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Tomorrow Is the Big Day
I have to hear what the principal has to say about observing my lesson. I am not sure exactly what I think will happen. I feel like my observation went terribly, but it is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The old principal gave me this label that I am not a good teacher and even though I don't believe that on one level, I find myself searching for evidence that it is true. If anything this year has brought those insecurities to the surface it is this observation.
Most of the time, I am just relaxed and focused on teaching. Yet, during my observation my mind was going a mile a minute and I was much more worried about what the principal might be observing than about teaching. Then, I get scared to teach normally because I worry that if I handle things to firmly I'll be accused of being too strict again or that if I let things go I'll be accused of being too permissive again.
I have this idea that he is going to be all over me--like the old principal was--and that it is going to make me feel really terrible. Maybe I am just being insecure, but how can I not be? If I spend so much time looking for the label Principal Sadie gave me to be true, how can he not?
I have no reason to think he is dissatisfied with my performance other than the fact that I feel my observation did not go well, but what can I do?
On a completely unrelated side note, I am extremely disturbed because I just saw the first roof rat I have ever seen. I have known for years that this city has roof rats and I heard they were in the neighborhood, but I just spied one climbing the cable cord looped to our balcony. It really makes me want to cry. I have never seen a rat in an establishment where I lived. Thank God it was outside, but what if, what if it gets inside?!!! If I tell my roommate what I saw she will want to move, but maybe we need rat traps on her balcony. Noooooo!
The old principal gave me this label that I am not a good teacher and even though I don't believe that on one level, I find myself searching for evidence that it is true. If anything this year has brought those insecurities to the surface it is this observation.
Most of the time, I am just relaxed and focused on teaching. Yet, during my observation my mind was going a mile a minute and I was much more worried about what the principal might be observing than about teaching. Then, I get scared to teach normally because I worry that if I handle things to firmly I'll be accused of being too strict again or that if I let things go I'll be accused of being too permissive again.
I have this idea that he is going to be all over me--like the old principal was--and that it is going to make me feel really terrible. Maybe I am just being insecure, but how can I not be? If I spend so much time looking for the label Principal Sadie gave me to be true, how can he not?
I have no reason to think he is dissatisfied with my performance other than the fact that I feel my observation did not go well, but what can I do?
On a completely unrelated side note, I am extremely disturbed because I just saw the first roof rat I have ever seen. I have known for years that this city has roof rats and I heard they were in the neighborhood, but I just spied one climbing the cable cord looped to our balcony. It really makes me want to cry. I have never seen a rat in an establishment where I lived. Thank God it was outside, but what if, what if it gets inside?!!! If I tell my roommate what I saw she will want to move, but maybe we need rat traps on her balcony. Noooooo!
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