I still really like the "Psycho Killer".
"I don't date very often, and I am probably doing it weirdly," I told CPA Guy (Psycho Killer). It's true because I am used to being single. Honestly, I have a very full life single. I have always known I would have to meet someone who would make me want to change. I have this sneaking suspicion that I have met such a person.
I have been keeping it a very big secret, though, because I just can't be sure. It is just so new--in so many ways.
It scares me because I don't date a lot. I have always thought that one day I would fall in love and get married and all of that. Yet, meeting someone who makes me wonder, "Is he that guy?" freaks me out. I feel like I am at the beginning of a path that has potential to sweep through my life and make it never the same again.
It's like being on the edge of a diving board, and if I really jump off, water will rush over me and there will be no going back. It's like if everything did go sour, then it would be hard to go back to being happy in the state I am in. At this point I could still go back, but I feel that time passing me by.
So, let's sum this up. I feel that I might not be completely ready for the kind of change a relationship would bring. I feel afraid that things will end up badly and it will be hard. I know that these are not actually good reasons to end things.
Anyway, I have this big date tomorrow night. I am really excited. I know I need to focus on being in the moment and enjoying things. Freaking out about potential change or potential disaster is not helpful in the least. Okay, thanks blog therapist. What would I do without you?