As a teacher, there is a side of me that is very maternal. I get called mom at least ten times a day, and from seven forty-five until two thirty five I am like a mom. It is a job, but when you are working with kids--especially young kids--it's like a family. They look at you and they trust you. When they are sad, they feel better just to be near you. Not being a parent, I can't imagine how much more it must be with your own kids.
It was really really hard today when I went to see my little student in the Children's Hospital. She is still in the pediatric icu, and they don't know for how long yet. It is really hard to know she is constantly hurting and to know that no one knows how long this is going to last.
I was just so happy to see her when I was there because she has been on my mind so much, but tonight it is just really sad thinking of her still being there--indefinitely.
She really lit up when we came in. Her grandparents said that was the first time she smiled in a long time, and I felt really good being there, but there is a very real pain with having the kind of relationship a teacher has with a child and watching that child in pain like that. In my teaching career, I have never had and I never anticipated a situation like that, but I am really sad right now. I really don't know how people work at the Children's Hospital all the time because I think I would cry everyday. It is just so sad to see little ones that sick.
Please pray for a speedy and full recovery for this girl. Please pray for her parents too; I can't imagine what they must be going through.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Bad Habits
The past four days I have gone home from work before four o'clock, taken a four hour nap, and eaten a huge meal. I am having a really hard time adjusting to my work schedule again after two weeks off. I feel so hungry and so tired throughout the day. At first, I thought maybe I am getting sick, but then it occurred to me that I don't usually take two weeks off the way I did. I ate whenever I was hungry and slept as late as I wanted to. I don't usually think of my work schedule and habits as grueling, but now I am feeling it.
The thing is that work has gone really smoothly. The day seems to fly by, but at the end of it I am exhausted and starving.
"Well," I thought today, "I have developed some bad habits that I need to break!"
I have developed some bad habits, but not over break. I developed bad habits of hardly eating anything during a nine or ten hour work day. I developed bad habits of never sitting down during my so called breaks. I developed bad habits of ignoring hunger, illness, and exhaustion whenever I am focused on something (which at work is most of the time).
I am not saying that I think my life should be like one long break filled with naps and grazing. I think I need to find a more balanced way to teach, though.
Some people do it. They bring snacks, they find a way to relax, they don't get to school ridiculously early. I think that my problem is that at times I can be extremely focused. Sometimes this is good because it helps me solve problems and get things accomplished, but sometimes I forget to eat anything until I start feeling really sick. Sometimes I stay up really late and wake up really early until I finish a task or solve a problem. I also tend to be unaware of what is going on around me when I get really focused. I don't remember where I set my keys down etc, etc.
It is hard for me to teach--especially with a difficult class (which I don't have this year, but did last year)--without going to that really focused place. I need to think about teaching while putting less stress on me. I lost so much weight last year and I was so tired. This year has been better, but obviously I am still keeping some bad habits.
So, I am adding one New Years resolution for myself. I have got to be more organized about eating throughout the day, getting enough sleep, and dividing my focus instead of tunneling in on one thing.
The thing is that work has gone really smoothly. The day seems to fly by, but at the end of it I am exhausted and starving.
"Well," I thought today, "I have developed some bad habits that I need to break!"
I have developed some bad habits, but not over break. I developed bad habits of hardly eating anything during a nine or ten hour work day. I developed bad habits of never sitting down during my so called breaks. I developed bad habits of ignoring hunger, illness, and exhaustion whenever I am focused on something (which at work is most of the time).
I am not saying that I think my life should be like one long break filled with naps and grazing. I think I need to find a more balanced way to teach, though.
Some people do it. They bring snacks, they find a way to relax, they don't get to school ridiculously early. I think that my problem is that at times I can be extremely focused. Sometimes this is good because it helps me solve problems and get things accomplished, but sometimes I forget to eat anything until I start feeling really sick. Sometimes I stay up really late and wake up really early until I finish a task or solve a problem. I also tend to be unaware of what is going on around me when I get really focused. I don't remember where I set my keys down etc, etc.
It is hard for me to teach--especially with a difficult class (which I don't have this year, but did last year)--without going to that really focused place. I need to think about teaching while putting less stress on me. I lost so much weight last year and I was so tired. This year has been better, but obviously I am still keeping some bad habits.
So, I am adding one New Years resolution for myself. I have got to be more organized about eating throughout the day, getting enough sleep, and dividing my focus instead of tunneling in on one thing.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Fountain of Youth?
I've been reading Teacher Man by Frank McCourt, and it is funny because it sometimes seems like an eloquent rendering of my blog. (Not so much the impoverished Irish upbringing part, but more the young teacher without a clue part.) I can't believe that beginning teaching in the early sixties could be so much like beginning teaching now. He writes the following:
In any classroom, something is always happening. They keep you on your toes. They keep you fresh. You'll never grow old, but the danger is you might have the mind of an adolescent forever, That's a real problem, Mac. You get used to talking to those kids on their level. Then when you go to a bar for a beer you forget how to talk to your friends and they look at you. They look at you like you just arrived from another planet and they're right. Day after day in the classroom means you're in another world, Mac. (32-33)
I think the first two years of teaching aged me twenty or so years and now it is reeling me back in and reminding me of the wonder of childhood. I was so young when I started teaching, and I know you're probably thinking that I'm young now, but I was twenty-two then (barely). Suddenly I found my self in the midst of pressure, responsibility and work.
I think before you enter the classroom as a teacher you believe what we, the teachers, wanted you to believe. You believe that schools are safe and happy and removed from the hardest things in life. As a teacher, you find that the school isn't removed from any of that, but you learn to do your best to protect the students. I was so naive when I started teaching, and I had to grow up, but now I am starting to appreciate what the students bring everyday.
I realized today how much I am enjoying teaching my class this year. Every day the things I teach are new to them. It is fun to see how exciting a map can be. It is great to hear excitement over division or writing or whatever.
This year, more than ever, the hard things have found their way into the walls of my classroom, but God has been reminding me how to look at the world with a little more awe. I am looking at the same issues I have been (politics and work and stress), but the glass looks half full.
I was teaching my kids about explorers and I mentioned that Cortes was searching for the fountain of youth. They wanted to know if he ever found it. He didn't, but I think if he did, he would have discovered that it's like Frank McCourt said. It is a blessing and a curse. You never grow old, but you get very used to relating to children on their level. As I told them, though, exploring is probably worth it-- if only for the adventure.
In any classroom, something is always happening. They keep you on your toes. They keep you fresh. You'll never grow old, but the danger is you might have the mind of an adolescent forever, That's a real problem, Mac. You get used to talking to those kids on their level. Then when you go to a bar for a beer you forget how to talk to your friends and they look at you. They look at you like you just arrived from another planet and they're right. Day after day in the classroom means you're in another world, Mac. (32-33)
I think the first two years of teaching aged me twenty or so years and now it is reeling me back in and reminding me of the wonder of childhood. I was so young when I started teaching, and I know you're probably thinking that I'm young now, but I was twenty-two then (barely). Suddenly I found my self in the midst of pressure, responsibility and work.
I think before you enter the classroom as a teacher you believe what we, the teachers, wanted you to believe. You believe that schools are safe and happy and removed from the hardest things in life. As a teacher, you find that the school isn't removed from any of that, but you learn to do your best to protect the students. I was so naive when I started teaching, and I had to grow up, but now I am starting to appreciate what the students bring everyday.
I realized today how much I am enjoying teaching my class this year. Every day the things I teach are new to them. It is fun to see how exciting a map can be. It is great to hear excitement over division or writing or whatever.
This year, more than ever, the hard things have found their way into the walls of my classroom, but God has been reminding me how to look at the world with a little more awe. I am looking at the same issues I have been (politics and work and stress), but the glass looks half full.
I was teaching my kids about explorers and I mentioned that Cortes was searching for the fountain of youth. They wanted to know if he ever found it. He didn't, but I think if he did, he would have discovered that it's like Frank McCourt said. It is a blessing and a curse. You never grow old, but you get very used to relating to children on their level. As I told them, though, exploring is probably worth it-- if only for the adventure.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Soooo Worth It
In the interest of updates, my student is out of surgery and in the pediatric ICU. Mom says they are in the danger zone for the next 4-5 days due to the risk of hemmoraging or stroke, but very grateful the surgery is done now.
I told you about my organizing frenzy over the weekend. Well, it continued well through the day today. I skipped Math and Writing in favor of organizing and reviewing rules and procedures.
I felt a twinge of guilt at the thought of throwing about 120 instructional minutes away, but I know the future time and frustration all this saves. We have to start on the right foot. Despite my guilt, I feel like I probably accomplished more today than I would have by sticking to curricular targets religiously. It was sooooo worth it.
I told you about my organizing frenzy over the weekend. Well, it continued well through the day today. I skipped Math and Writing in favor of organizing and reviewing rules and procedures.
I felt a twinge of guilt at the thought of throwing about 120 instructional minutes away, but I know the future time and frustration all this saves. We have to start on the right foot. Despite my guilt, I feel like I probably accomplished more today than I would have by sticking to curricular targets religiously. It was sooooo worth it.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Still and Quiet
I can't sleep at all and maybe rightly so. I can't stop thinking about the little girl from my class having surgery tomorrow. I've been checking her website obsessively because I want to find some sign that she'll be fine. I did find an e-mail from her mom saying that she missed me and her classmates and can't wait to come back. Not whatever I was hoping to find to ease my fears, though. We just can't know that yet. Maybe I am just awake because I am supposed to pray.
Tomorrow twenty one kids and one teacher will sleepily get out of bed and return to their third grade classroom. Snowflakes are still hanging on the wall. New projects will be started. New supplies are out. I can't help but wish all twenty-two would be there.
Energy will be high because the kids are eight and nine. The ignorant bliss of childhood will hide the tragedy from them tomorrow. It doesn't feel right, though. It seems like the classroom, even the world, should be still and quiet until we know that everything will be alright.
Tomorrow twenty one kids and one teacher will sleepily get out of bed and return to their third grade classroom. Snowflakes are still hanging on the wall. New projects will be started. New supplies are out. I can't help but wish all twenty-two would be there.
Energy will be high because the kids are eight and nine. The ignorant bliss of childhood will hide the tragedy from them tomorrow. It doesn't feel right, though. It seems like the classroom, even the world, should be still and quiet until we know that everything will be alright.
I Have Issues
Everytime that I think I am organized, I decide to reorganize and find piles of papers I never passed out and remember spreadsheets I swore to make that I never finished. I did what I shouldn't have done on Saturday and went into the school to get something. I decided to make a new seating arrangement and looked in the supply bins at each table.
Looking into the abyss of the student supply bins led me to thinking about how I could help them keep organized. So, I dumped the boxes the markers and crayons came in and put the drawing supplies in separate cups.
The cups idea made me remember that I meant to change our pencil plan to a more shared policy, so collected all the individual pencils and moved them to a community cup.
Seeing a spare pencil in the textbook cubbies bin reminded me that I wanted to get rid of the trays their textbooks were in because the textbooks were too heavy and many trays were cracking. So, I moved the textbooks out of the trays.
Getting the spare trays reminded me that I wanted to add a couple of bins for specific classwork. Those bins reminded me that I wanted to change the grading bins on my desk. That reminded me that I wanted to change the classroom jobs again. That reminded me that I needed to make excel spreadsheets so the kids could check things off according to my new jobs.
You probably get the idea. I should never enter the building during a break or the break is over.
That being said, it is kind of nice that everything is in order. For now!
Looking into the abyss of the student supply bins led me to thinking about how I could help them keep organized. So, I dumped the boxes the markers and crayons came in and put the drawing supplies in separate cups.
The cups idea made me remember that I meant to change our pencil plan to a more shared policy, so collected all the individual pencils and moved them to a community cup.
Seeing a spare pencil in the textbook cubbies bin reminded me that I wanted to get rid of the trays their textbooks were in because the textbooks were too heavy and many trays were cracking. So, I moved the textbooks out of the trays.
Getting the spare trays reminded me that I wanted to add a couple of bins for specific classwork. Those bins reminded me that I wanted to change the grading bins on my desk. That reminded me that I wanted to change the classroom jobs again. That reminded me that I needed to make excel spreadsheets so the kids could check things off according to my new jobs.
You probably get the idea. I should never enter the building during a break or the break is over.
That being said, it is kind of nice that everything is in order. For now!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Sleeping In/In 2010
Well, I did what I do every year over Christmas Break. I turned off my alarm clock and got used to staying up late and sleeping late. Yesterday, I got up at eleven thinking it was about seven. Today, my goal was to get up at seven. I couldn't drag myself out of bed until nine-thirty. Five AM is going to hurt on Monday.
It seems that my first goal of the new year (easing back in to getting up early) is not going well, but that isn't stopping me from making some resolutions.
Do not let papers pile up.
Do better with teaching handwriting.
Do more Reading interventions with low kids.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
It seems that my first goal of the new year (easing back in to getting up early) is not going well, but that isn't stopping me from making some resolutions.
Do not let papers pile up.
Do better with teaching handwriting.
Do more Reading interventions with low kids.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
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