I Want a Wild Card

I have a special headache. There is a certain part of my head that starts to hurt when I get overwhelmed by budget issues. It's damn near a migraine right now.

I've been right on the edge of our rif issues in the school district for two years. Last year I got so stressed out because I saw the impending threat of a rif coming at me like a freight train. I didn't know what to do if I was riffed because I was enrolled in grad school through the district. I ended up being temporarily being displaced, but I got to keep my job in the end.

According to my W-2's I've progressively made a little less money every year than I did when I got the amazing wages of a first year teacher. I have been threatened with a rif every one of the past three years, but hasn't actually happened to me yet.

This year I resolved to stave off worrying about it unless it actually happens. I can't do it, though. Things are bad. Things are worse than they've ever been, and we all know something serious is coming. Remember when I said I wish our superintendent would give a speech similar to that of the chief of police? For better or worse, he gave almost exactly that speech and it is going to run in several newspapers. At this point, I can no longer ignore the voice in my head saying, "brace yourself."

The thing is that this year I had it rough. I really did, and I know I've done a good job. I had a difficult job and I worked so hard to give these kids the best. I helped out with our school reading program. I worked nights and weekends. The kids have learned so much and I have been an excellent teammate. My team had problems before I came, but I am a team player and I've helped them. The thing is that none of that matters. In the end, it will come down to a number on a rif rubric. My glowing review from admin won't save me. Non-reader's parents who told me I'm the best teacher they've ever had can't help me. Bob's pictures of me as a superhero can't save me. It's a number.

My understanding of a wild card is that it started as a way to give teams who don't qualify by the book a shot. I know I am an asset to my school, and I wish I could apply for a wild card. I do.

I Hate Valentine's Day!

I hate Valentine's Day! I know, you probably already have me pegged as being bitter because I am single, BUT I actually don't hate Valentine's Day because I am single. I hate Valentine's Day because I'm a teacher.

Some teachers tell me that they like Valentine's Day in an elementary school, but I don't know what they are talking about. What part of already hyper kids jacked up on sugar and foaming pink from the mouth is supposed to be fun?

I think that is enough of my complaining, though. I am struggling a lot recently with having a good attitude about my class. My friend was joking on Friday about my yelling, but it was a wake up call. If my friend has noticed it, then it has gone way too far. I also know that I have been feeling extremely frustrated with these kids.

I was realizing at the end of the day on Friday that I have been far too annoyed for the second half of the day, when one of my crazy eight came running back in the room. Honestly, I was going to get onto him for coming back and running when he ran up to me, threw his arms around my neck and said simply, "bye."

I've been feeling sorry for myself because what did I ever do to deserve all eight of the crazy eight and their parents? It's the wrong attitude, though. Even the crazy eight don't deserve a teacher who doesn't really like them and doesn't really want to be there. For better or worse, in sickness and in health til death do us part--just kidding, but really we're not going to part until the end of this year.

So, I am taking this weekend to sort of regroup. I need to not only start my day on Monday excited to be there, but I need to end it that way as well. So, I am spending more time planning instruction I can get excited about. It's funny but as a teacher you sometimes have to plan the best lessons for the worst kids. Not only because those kids most need to be genuinly engaged, but because when you have a group that is not fun to teach it's a lot easier for you when you teach in a way that is fun.

So, I asked myself this weekend, what can I do that is fun for my class? I decided to make their Valentines by hand this year. So I made each student a Valentine. I cut up a Walgreen's Valentine's Day add and I glued adds on the Valentine and wrote a Math "riddle" (isn't that much more fun than problems) for each student. On the inside, my cards say "if you can solve this riddle and show me how in this space, I will give you a special Valentine's Day treat." My treat is a Valentine's Day pencil and eraser because we are always running out of pencils and erasers. The kids will start their day by finding my valentine's in their boxes.






I also bought boxes of candy hearts to do the data collection and representation activities. I wrote up a new seating chart because the kids have been asking. I got new stickers for grading work this week. I can do it. I can have a better attitude about this.

Mr. President, I'd Like to Give a Rebuttal

To be honest, I didn't watch the state of the union address. I was either sleeping or working--I really don't remember which (and, yes, I take a nap on my couch sometimes/a lot after work). Anyway, I heard that Mr. Obama was telling young Americans to become a teacher if they want to do something for their country. The sentiment is nice I guess, but young Americans, I think you should hear what I have to say first.

Contention 1: Many other great careers are out there.

Young Americans, why not consider becoming an extreme logger or a crab fisherman? True, the survival rate is like 50% or something, but you will side step a lot of the land mines in the field of education.

If you feel that is not altruistic enough, why not work for Starbucks? Making coffee is not-so-extremely-stressful and it makes people happy too. Trust me, coffee goes down much easier than a proper education.

Contention 2: You should contribute to the economy by paying your bills.

As a teacher, this will become much more difficult. If you're ever able to pay off your student loans for all the education required, you will find yourself paying recertification fees, and endorsement fees, and continuing education fees just to stay qualified. I am actually wondering if in the end, I will pay education more or it will pay me more.

Contention 3: Even if you have a lot to give as a teacher, your hands will be tied by politics, red tape, and customer satisfaction often.

Yeah, it's been said that what we really need is to recruit bright and talented young teachers. The truth is that being bright and talented does not remove politics, red tape, or often customer satisfaction. Endless mountains of meaningless paperwork will take away from your talent. Rules that make no sense, but absolutely must be followed will trump your ingenuity AND your common sense. Political correctness and the mandate to keep customers happy will overrule the drive to be effective. Expect to be thrown the occasional mandate to use a resource or a method that is insane and will never work, but simultaneously be under the demand to channel your inner teaching genius and raise test scores. Don't complain that it makes no sense or it can't be done because logic and common sense have no place in the world of education.

Yes, if your wondering, there is something that really set me off today. Another post about that will be coming shortly, BUT seriously, young Americans, consider my rebuttal. I am a pretty young American myself and I can tell you first hand that teaching often comes with very low job satisfaction.

Changes

How do you know if you are doing what you are doing because it is really the right thing or if you are just doing it because it's the obvious thing? How do you know if you're just doing something because you're scared to try something else? I think the first two years of teaching were just a blur for me because I was learning how to do it and just trying to make sense of the complex task. Now, I'm in a different phase though. It's not that I have it all figured out, but I have a basic idea of how to be effective. I am realizing that "this is it" (so to speak) and wondering if it really is the right place for me.

I don't harbor any idealism that says the world of education will fall without me. I know there are lots of good teachers who care, and I think if I wasn't doing my particular job someone else would. So, I can't assume that this career is right because I am personally needed here.

I am only twenty-four years old, and I know I could switch fields entirely if I wanted to. So, I can't say that I don't have any other options.

I heard the statistic that two out of every three new teachers leave education in the first three years. In my third year, I can see why that is. Now that I have had some time to learn the job, I have to decide if it really is something I want to continue.

It's not the workload that is putting these thoughts in my head. It's certainly not the kids. It's the politics. Already, I have been subjected to so many conflicting theories, methods, and programs that change like the wind. I feel like sound instruction and common sense are thrown out the window.

I was sitting at a staff development meeting today, and they told us that our new intervention program required a 10 minute intervention per targeted student that would take place four days a week. This wouldn't be such a big deal except that they want us to do it separately for every standard that every individual student is targeted in. Impossible! Yet, we're told not to worry because we will have many meetings to solve this problem.

Then, I opened up my e-mail (you can probably guess how much I was listening) and found an article about the fallacy of giving zeroes when students don't turn in work.

I have actually been measurably effective this year. That is to say that my class is overwhelmingly meeting benchmarks, and I don't have any students not showing growth.

There is no stability in public education, though. We can't agree on a goal. We can't agree on a budget. We can't stick to a method. We can't even agree on curriculum. I hate watching the news these days because I feel my blood pressure rising when I see ripples that will soon reach my classroom. When will I not be allowed to have anymore supplies? How long until I'm not allowed to give a failing grade? How long until I can't put anyone in resource?

I have serious doubts about where this field is going. I just do. I consider education a Social Service, yet the tide of public opinion seems to be that it is a business. They want to make us accountable for results, but the results don't pay (quite literally)! In a business capital and results are directly correlated. As one increases, so does the other. In education, we are expected to create resources out of nothing! Could we be extremely effective if class size were drastically reduced? Absolutely, but we can't afford it. I am just not sure that I can spend the rest of my professional life being told to make time and money. I want results too, but without accountability for students and without resources the level of result being demanded is unreasonable.

Guilty Conscience

Today I let something happen to a colleague that I swore I would never let happen. The weight of what I did didn't hit me until I ran it by my former teammates in fifth grade but now I feel terrible.

Wednesdays at my school are team time and we have team meetings. One of the items on our agenda was student concerns. Somehow it became venting time for my teammates to vent their frustrations with the resource teacher. I've never had this resource teacher because 4th and 5th grade were a separate program and this year I don't have any students qualifying for resource. Maybe the concerns are completely valid. I also think it is okay to discuss these concerns with gradelevel teammates. The problem is that they published these concerns in the meeting minutes, highlighted the paragraphs, and asked the principal to address these concerns. I just think it is a terrible thing to do, to go over a colleagues head with concerns you haven't addressed to that person.

I tried to get them to soften what they wrote, but I didn't just say what I felt. It didn't even occur to me to do that, and I truly regret not doing that.

Last year, when someone was talking behind my back to the principal (to this day I do not know to a certainty who) I needed a hero to be there and say, "Bring this up to her. It's the right thing to do." I know that my year last year would have been better and I wouldn't be having the internal struggle I am having now if anyone had done that. It's not that there was no one who helped me because there were many people, but whoever was a part of those complaints and gossip didn't and there were big consequences. Consequences I am still struggling with.

So, what do I do now? I can't unsend an e-mail already sent. I can't undo whatever consequences come of this. Do I tell my teammates what I should have told them in the first place? Do I encourage them to address the teacher themselves? I am going to have to do something because I won't be able to sleep at night knowing that I am responsible for doing that to another teacher.

In this profession, we're in it together. We have to stop the gossip. We have to stop looking for scape goats and people to vent on. We have to support each other. We have to talk to people's faces and not behind their backs. I really believe in teachers even the ones who are struggling. There is enough out there to break your heart in teaching and we shouldn't do it to each other.