If you have read this blog for a long time, then you would know that I struggled in my second year of teaching. Right at the center of my struggle was my relationship with the former principal, Principal Sadie. It was really hard for me, and I almost quit; but Principal Sadie left just after doing her worst to me.
Captain Principal then came to our school and it was much better for me. I can't say that I never would have patched things up with Principal Sadie if she had stayed, but I know that I never would have enjoyed working for her the way I enjoy working for Captain Principal.
Last night, I went out with Captain Principal and a couple of teachers. We ran into Principal Sadie. It was awkward.
Not to brag, but I will say that I am a better person than I thought. I always thought that if I was drinking and Principal Sadie was there then I would say something ugly or confront her. I was still nice, though.
Showing posts with label administration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label administration. Show all posts
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Let Them Eat Cake
Well, you've heard me throw a lot of love out for my school administrators and occassionally my school district, but lest you think I am wearing rosey glasses, read on read on.
I went to the board meeting tonight. (I know, it always gets me riled up.) The strange thing is that usually there are only a few teachers at the board meeting, but tonight, tonight there was a lot of teachers at the board meeting. A lot...
Why was there a lot of teachers at the board meeting? Well, remember the "rif rubric" that I might have been a little upset about. (Didn't I hide it well?) Anyway, part of the wonderful "rif rubric" said that teachers get 1 point per board meeting attended. This was the only eligible board meeting between the announcement of the "rif rubric" and it's impending due date. Suddenly, the board meeting looked like a sold out Radiohead concert.
This all seemed pretty reasonable to me, because what else are you going to do sitting through a board meeting means a better chance of keeping your job.
I was sitting near the front with some other teachers from my school because I was early--like always. We were sitting where we could hear the conversation of upper level administration in the district. A particular administrator, I am going to call Administrator Antoinette, was clearly angry. She was angrily repeating, "their only here to get a point!"
(Ummmm. Yeah, we are only there to get a point. What on earth else do you expect when you dangle people's livelihoods in front of their faces and make them compete with a lengthy rubric based on points?!)
It irritates me because Administrator Antoinette probably makes the salary of at least three teachers, but she doesn't have to fill out a rubric to get points to determine how worthy she is to keep her job. She doesn't have to worry about if she will be able to pay her bills next year in the event of a rif. She doesn't have to get up and go to a school at 5:30 tomorrow and deal with a room full of kids all day. She doesn't have these worries, but she has no problem judging people who want to come to a board meeting because it might mean keeping their jobs. It's just not right.
I went to the board meeting tonight. (I know, it always gets me riled up.) The strange thing is that usually there are only a few teachers at the board meeting, but tonight, tonight there was a lot of teachers at the board meeting. A lot...
Why was there a lot of teachers at the board meeting? Well, remember the "rif rubric" that I might have been a little upset about. (Didn't I hide it well?) Anyway, part of the wonderful "rif rubric" said that teachers get 1 point per board meeting attended. This was the only eligible board meeting between the announcement of the "rif rubric" and it's impending due date. Suddenly, the board meeting looked like a sold out Radiohead concert.
This all seemed pretty reasonable to me, because what else are you going to do sitting through a board meeting means a better chance of keeping your job.
I was sitting near the front with some other teachers from my school because I was early--like always. We were sitting where we could hear the conversation of upper level administration in the district. A particular administrator, I am going to call Administrator Antoinette, was clearly angry. She was angrily repeating, "their only here to get a point!"
(Ummmm. Yeah, we are only there to get a point. What on earth else do you expect when you dangle people's livelihoods in front of their faces and make them compete with a lengthy rubric based on points?!)
It irritates me because Administrator Antoinette probably makes the salary of at least three teachers, but she doesn't have to fill out a rubric to get points to determine how worthy she is to keep her job. She doesn't have to worry about if she will be able to pay her bills next year in the event of a rif. She doesn't have to get up and go to a school at 5:30 tomorrow and deal with a room full of kids all day. She doesn't have these worries, but she has no problem judging people who want to come to a board meeting because it might mean keeping their jobs. It's just not right.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Differentiation for Us???
If I were going to describe being a new teacher to someone outside of education world, I would ask them to think about writing their first substantial paper (in college or high school or whatever). No matter how well you were prepped, no matter how talented of a writer you are, and no matter if you felt anxiety; chances are that you didn't know what the hell you were doing when you brought your pen to the paper or started clicking the keys on that keyboard. Your only option was to jump in. If you read your first composition now, you would probably be shocked at what you were willing to turn in.
So, being a new teacher is like writing your first composition. It's like writing your first composition with the requirement that the composition is 500 pages long. In the end, it would be kind of a miracle that you actually completed such a marathon of paper writing or teaching as it were, but ultimately the quality of your piece would likely be quite low.
To complete a paper like that would take guts and commitment and heart. If, in the middle of your paper-writing miracle of a marathon, someone were to tell you, "You're terrible at this and this paper is just awful. In fact, you should be sorry for any unsuspecting reader that might be subjected to the torture of this monstrosity," it would be devastating. After such discouragement, it would be difficult to grow into the teacher or the writer you might become.
I say this because now that I am not a new teacher my perspective has changed. I can see clearly the mistakes I made. Having learned a lot of lessons, I can see a lot of the lessons I needed to learn. I can also see just how monumental the task I was undertaking was. I can see how fragile and vulnerable that made me. I wish that the people in charge of me at that time would have looked for the potential to encourage instead of critiquing my performance.
We had a staff meeting today that reminded me of a staff meeting we had two years ago, during my second year of teaching. I had gotten in trouble earlier in the day because a little girl said jokingly to a little boy in my class, "I'll kill you," and I failed to report it. Well, the parent of the little boy called the police and filed charges against the little girl. I was already feeling terrible about this. The administration ended the staff meeting by making an example out of my situation about what not to do. It was what it was, but I remember the moment that it dawned on me where the example was going, and I remember everyone who hadn't heard trying to guess who this story was about.
Today at our staff meeting, the principal started relaying a story that moved him about a teacher differentiating to a special ed student in her class and the great impact this was having on the boy. At the moment that I realized the story was about me, I had a vivid memory of the negative story shared about me by the former principal in a staff meeting.
Today was a good moment, and maybe things like this do something to heal the confidence issues I still have from things I experienced as a new teacher. The thing is that both of the stories about me were objectively true. I really screwed up in the first instance, and I did a good job in the second one. I just don't think a new teacher always needs an objective evaluation. Maybe teachers just need a little differentiation too.
So, being a new teacher is like writing your first composition. It's like writing your first composition with the requirement that the composition is 500 pages long. In the end, it would be kind of a miracle that you actually completed such a marathon of paper writing or teaching as it were, but ultimately the quality of your piece would likely be quite low.
To complete a paper like that would take guts and commitment and heart. If, in the middle of your paper-writing miracle of a marathon, someone were to tell you, "You're terrible at this and this paper is just awful. In fact, you should be sorry for any unsuspecting reader that might be subjected to the torture of this monstrosity," it would be devastating. After such discouragement, it would be difficult to grow into the teacher or the writer you might become.
I say this because now that I am not a new teacher my perspective has changed. I can see clearly the mistakes I made. Having learned a lot of lessons, I can see a lot of the lessons I needed to learn. I can also see just how monumental the task I was undertaking was. I can see how fragile and vulnerable that made me. I wish that the people in charge of me at that time would have looked for the potential to encourage instead of critiquing my performance.
We had a staff meeting today that reminded me of a staff meeting we had two years ago, during my second year of teaching. I had gotten in trouble earlier in the day because a little girl said jokingly to a little boy in my class, "I'll kill you," and I failed to report it. Well, the parent of the little boy called the police and filed charges against the little girl. I was already feeling terrible about this. The administration ended the staff meeting by making an example out of my situation about what not to do. It was what it was, but I remember the moment that it dawned on me where the example was going, and I remember everyone who hadn't heard trying to guess who this story was about.
Today at our staff meeting, the principal started relaying a story that moved him about a teacher differentiating to a special ed student in her class and the great impact this was having on the boy. At the moment that I realized the story was about me, I had a vivid memory of the negative story shared about me by the former principal in a staff meeting.
Today was a good moment, and maybe things like this do something to heal the confidence issues I still have from things I experienced as a new teacher. The thing is that both of the stories about me were objectively true. I really screwed up in the first instance, and I did a good job in the second one. I just don't think a new teacher always needs an objective evaluation. Maybe teachers just need a little differentiation too.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
O Captain My Captain
I have to brag about our new principal a little bit. Bragging words from me about a principal are really high praise right now. After my experience last year, I have been slow (snail paced) to put any trust into administration. I haven't gotten over that yet. The other day when someone from BFF teams said something about packing up rooms, I replied "Maybe I'll be told on the last day of school to pack up my room and move to kindergarten."
"I think that would just send you over the edge," she said.
"No," I answered, "I'll never be surprised by anything like that again now. I expect that kind of nonsense." I didn't realize that I still felt that way until I heard it coming out of my mouth. I do, though.
BUT I digress. I wanted to say why I am inspired to write about how much I like my new principal even though I don't trust him--although that is not his fault.
I like him because he is really a team player and because he is open and supportive of teacher ideas. I am new at this, but I think that has got to be pretty rare. BFF team is implementing a big group read naturally program, and wanted my good friend Mrs. Bear from fifth grade to come and work with us since she has successfully implemented such a program in fifth grade. We wanted her for two days and each day for forty minutes. Not only was the new principal supportive of this plan, he volunteered to cover Mrs. Bear's class for the whole eighty minutes. He has also been teaching one of the focused skill groups third grade runs every week and has not given us trouble about any supplies or copies. He really supports teachers and I have never gotten to experience this before.
Another member of BFF team and I were talking today about how the whole environment of our school is less stressed out. It's true!
I can't say that my faith is blindly in administration now, but I will say as far as principals go this is the sort of principal that I want to work for. My old principal had the pseudonym on this blog, Principal Sadie. Today, I am making a pseudonym for my new principal. I am naming him Captain. I chose this name off of the famous poem O Captain My Captain because he has been a leader who is helping our school work as a team. I hope that next year I don't get riffed or shuffled around because I would like to work for Captain again. I have been able to grow a lot this year and it is because I have had enough space and enough support to reach more of my potential.
"I think that would just send you over the edge," she said.
"No," I answered, "I'll never be surprised by anything like that again now. I expect that kind of nonsense." I didn't realize that I still felt that way until I heard it coming out of my mouth. I do, though.
BUT I digress. I wanted to say why I am inspired to write about how much I like my new principal even though I don't trust him--although that is not his fault.
I like him because he is really a team player and because he is open and supportive of teacher ideas. I am new at this, but I think that has got to be pretty rare. BFF team is implementing a big group read naturally program, and wanted my good friend Mrs. Bear from fifth grade to come and work with us since she has successfully implemented such a program in fifth grade. We wanted her for two days and each day for forty minutes. Not only was the new principal supportive of this plan, he volunteered to cover Mrs. Bear's class for the whole eighty minutes. He has also been teaching one of the focused skill groups third grade runs every week and has not given us trouble about any supplies or copies. He really supports teachers and I have never gotten to experience this before.
Another member of BFF team and I were talking today about how the whole environment of our school is less stressed out. It's true!
I can't say that my faith is blindly in administration now, but I will say as far as principals go this is the sort of principal that I want to work for. My old principal had the pseudonym on this blog, Principal Sadie. Today, I am making a pseudonym for my new principal. I am naming him Captain. I chose this name off of the famous poem O Captain My Captain because he has been a leader who is helping our school work as a team. I hope that next year I don't get riffed or shuffled around because I would like to work for Captain again. I have been able to grow a lot this year and it is because I have had enough space and enough support to reach more of my potential.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Facing It
Are you going to stay in third grade? People keep asking me this question. Friends, I should say, are asking me this question. I just can't seem to answer it.
Teachers without three years experience had mid-year check-in meetings with the principal today. The other novice teacher on the third grade team told the principal that she and my other teammates don't want him to let me move (don't worry it was in a jovial manner). She told him that she didn't know what I wanted, but they wanted me there. I didn't realize that she and my other new teammates have really been wondering what I would do until she started talking to me about it today.
BFF team was asking me all about this after school today. So, I told them the truth. I am just confused. No one asked me this question in May. I had no ownership in the decision to move. Principal Sadie made it abundantly clear to me that this was meant as a punishment. Yes, I now know a lot of information that was left out then, but the psychological effects on me are lasting.
So, what do I want to happen? I'd like to keep working with BFFs Team. I'd like to have another year or so in third grade. I'd like to prove Principal Sadie wrong and move to Middle School. I'd like to prove to myself that the things I was accused of aren't true. I'd like to work with Mrs. Bear again. Most of all, I'd like to have my own thoughts on what happens to me validated.
I think it is probably best for the school that I stay where I am at. It is best for me to have someone ask me what I think. The thing that hurt worst (I think) last year was Principal Sadie's refusal to hear what I had to say.
I got a lot of validation today. My team thinks I bring a lot to third grade. The principal told me I am doing a good job. Professional validation is nice (Lord knows that didn't happen from administration last year). I need some validation that I matter as a person even when I'm at work. I still struggle every day when I am in that same building with how badly I was treated as a person by the former principal. Trust is coming back, but for me to really be better I need to feel respected.
I think it is especially hard (and especially common) to be new to teaching and to go through the sort of thing with a principal I did last year. Mr. Bull (who is still in contact with Principal Sadie) told me a couple of weeks ago at dinner that he thinks Principal Sadie regrets some of what she did to me and that the whole thing was a personality conflict. If it really was a personality conflict, I just had no experience to compare it to. Now, being treated nicely by a principal is continually surprising to me. I formed a lot of my view of myself as a teacher and my view of teaching during a really bad experience. The whole thing has thrown so much confusion into the picture for me.
I want to have a positive outlook and grow from all of this. I wonder, though, am I and will I ever be the same teacher I would have been if my second year of teaching had been different and if she had treated me differently? This stuff has impacted me. Time and space are making me better, but they haven't changed the negative impact completely.
Teachers without three years experience had mid-year check-in meetings with the principal today. The other novice teacher on the third grade team told the principal that she and my other teammates don't want him to let me move (don't worry it was in a jovial manner). She told him that she didn't know what I wanted, but they wanted me there. I didn't realize that she and my other new teammates have really been wondering what I would do until she started talking to me about it today.
BFF team was asking me all about this after school today. So, I told them the truth. I am just confused. No one asked me this question in May. I had no ownership in the decision to move. Principal Sadie made it abundantly clear to me that this was meant as a punishment. Yes, I now know a lot of information that was left out then, but the psychological effects on me are lasting.
So, what do I want to happen? I'd like to keep working with BFFs Team. I'd like to have another year or so in third grade. I'd like to prove Principal Sadie wrong and move to Middle School. I'd like to prove to myself that the things I was accused of aren't true. I'd like to work with Mrs. Bear again. Most of all, I'd like to have my own thoughts on what happens to me validated.
I think it is probably best for the school that I stay where I am at. It is best for me to have someone ask me what I think. The thing that hurt worst (I think) last year was Principal Sadie's refusal to hear what I had to say.
I got a lot of validation today. My team thinks I bring a lot to third grade. The principal told me I am doing a good job. Professional validation is nice (Lord knows that didn't happen from administration last year). I need some validation that I matter as a person even when I'm at work. I still struggle every day when I am in that same building with how badly I was treated as a person by the former principal. Trust is coming back, but for me to really be better I need to feel respected.
I think it is especially hard (and especially common) to be new to teaching and to go through the sort of thing with a principal I did last year. Mr. Bull (who is still in contact with Principal Sadie) told me a couple of weeks ago at dinner that he thinks Principal Sadie regrets some of what she did to me and that the whole thing was a personality conflict. If it really was a personality conflict, I just had no experience to compare it to. Now, being treated nicely by a principal is continually surprising to me. I formed a lot of my view of myself as a teacher and my view of teaching during a really bad experience. The whole thing has thrown so much confusion into the picture for me.
I want to have a positive outlook and grow from all of this. I wonder, though, am I and will I ever be the same teacher I would have been if my second year of teaching had been different and if she had treated me differently? This stuff has impacted me. Time and space are making me better, but they haven't changed the negative impact completely.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Unhappy Hour: What to Do When Your Ex Shows Up
Ex-Principal, that is.
I don't go to Happy Hour after work very frequently, but I decided to go this week because a friend from work who had a hard week was going and I wanted to go with her. It was at a teacher's house from work, and I showed up at about 3:30. The food was good, and I was thinking about what a nice time I was having. THEN... Guess who walked in?! Principal Sadie.
I haven't seen her since that awful last day of school and I was pretty happy about that. When she walked in, I must have looked like I saw a ghost. My heart started beating really fast, and I was trying to make an exit plan.
I really could not think of a tactful exit plan, so I went outside with everyone who was playing beer pong. I don't play beer pong, but I knew Principal Sadie would not go out there. So, I stayed out there for about an hour, but there was a problem: I left my keys on the table inside, and my Ex (principal that is) was sitting right by them. "Great," I thought, "there is going to be no leaving without talking to her."
I walked over to the table and we said uneasy hello/how are you's. I tried to open my mouth to make my excuses and bee line for the door. Unfortunately, it felt like my tongue was growing larger and I couldn't quite get any words out.
Unfortunately, the awkward silence I initiated led to her initiating an even more awkward conversation. I knew, if she saw me, she was going to go there, but it still shocked me a little.
"How's third grade?" she asked in a sugary sweet voice.
I tried to say "It's good." Did I say, "It good" or even "i goo" or something more incoherent? I don't know, at this point I was just wondering how long I had to wait to make my excuse and get out.
"I heard you're doing well?" she continued. Apparently, not noticing the you shot my puppy style look on my face. Mrs. Music, who was also at the table chimed in, "she's so good her class..."
At this point, I realized this conversation was not going to end naturally. As much as I wanted to be classy, I started to be rude. I asked the other teacher if she could please hand me my keys and I told them I had to meet my mom at six, and had to leave. I don't even think I apologized for being so abrupt.
I just needed to get away. I cannot play this game with her where she passive aggressively goes on about how great she was for doing the things she did. I don't want to argue with her either. I just want to have no contact with her. A clean break...You know?
Isn't that how it's supposed to be with ex's--even if they are ex-principals?
I don't go to Happy Hour after work very frequently, but I decided to go this week because a friend from work who had a hard week was going and I wanted to go with her. It was at a teacher's house from work, and I showed up at about 3:30. The food was good, and I was thinking about what a nice time I was having. THEN... Guess who walked in?! Principal Sadie.
I haven't seen her since that awful last day of school and I was pretty happy about that. When she walked in, I must have looked like I saw a ghost. My heart started beating really fast, and I was trying to make an exit plan.
I really could not think of a tactful exit plan, so I went outside with everyone who was playing beer pong. I don't play beer pong, but I knew Principal Sadie would not go out there. So, I stayed out there for about an hour, but there was a problem: I left my keys on the table inside, and my Ex (principal that is) was sitting right by them. "Great," I thought, "there is going to be no leaving without talking to her."
I walked over to the table and we said uneasy hello/how are you's. I tried to open my mouth to make my excuses and bee line for the door. Unfortunately, it felt like my tongue was growing larger and I couldn't quite get any words out.
Unfortunately, the awkward silence I initiated led to her initiating an even more awkward conversation. I knew, if she saw me, she was going to go there, but it still shocked me a little.
"How's third grade?" she asked in a sugary sweet voice.
I tried to say "It's good." Did I say, "It good" or even "i goo" or something more incoherent? I don't know, at this point I was just wondering how long I had to wait to make my excuse and get out.
"I heard you're doing well?" she continued. Apparently, not noticing the you shot my puppy style look on my face. Mrs. Music, who was also at the table chimed in, "she's so good her class..."
At this point, I realized this conversation was not going to end naturally. As much as I wanted to be classy, I started to be rude. I asked the other teacher if she could please hand me my keys and I told them I had to meet my mom at six, and had to leave. I don't even think I apologized for being so abrupt.
I just needed to get away. I cannot play this game with her where she passive aggressively goes on about how great she was for doing the things she did. I don't want to argue with her either. I just want to have no contact with her. A clean break...You know?
Isn't that how it's supposed to be with ex's--even if they are ex-principals?
Friday, September 4, 2009
Trying to Be the Bigger Person
I really haven't wanted to talk about what happened on the last day of school. I really have been glad to have no interaction with the former principal. I just want to put all that nastiness behind me and forget that it ever happened.
That being said, when the school gets basically turned upside down by a last minute decision to switch two teachers who didn't ask for it; when I, who have a reputation for being stoic, lose it and cry in front of everyone for the entire last day; people get curious, people start asking questions. People have been talking about what went down. I haven't gone searching for any answers because I just want to move on, yet answers keep finding me. Truth has a way of revealing itself.
Today, I went to Happy Hour with the other third grade teachers and a few others. They all started talking about how happy they were about the big switch. It's nice: They like having me and I like them too. Then, they started talking about the day when they found out about the switch.
APPARENTLY, the former principal walked into their pod and told them, "This is my final gift to you." Nice. So professional.
She first tells me, "I have no choice. I need to do what's best for kids, and your test scores... I'm just not sure how successful you would be... Have a lovely summer and if you want you can even switch your room when you get back to school. Isn't it great news I pushed this through now and you're not finding out in July?" She watched me cry and get so upset. I believe the only thing I said was the word "no" in response to her question if I was okay. Honestly, how the Hell is her reaction to that going to the third grade teachers and telling them this is a gift for them?
She immediately turns around walks across the school and tells that team, "This is my gift to you."
It is a really good thing she is at a different school because if I ever had to hear her bragging about how compassionate she is or her big heart again, I think I would throw whatever was in my hand at her.
I might not have done well in all of my interactions with her, but I had more heart than that.
I know there is no use being irritated with this. I have to let it go, but it sucks. She lied to me so much in ways that really hurt my confidence.
She came through my school the other day and left a note on my board. I have no earthly idea why, because we didn't exactly part on good terms. The note said "Principal X misses Miss Understood and Third Graders." Another lie; no doubt. The only note I want to see from her begins and ends with "I'm Sorry."
That being said, when the school gets basically turned upside down by a last minute decision to switch two teachers who didn't ask for it; when I, who have a reputation for being stoic, lose it and cry in front of everyone for the entire last day; people get curious, people start asking questions. People have been talking about what went down. I haven't gone searching for any answers because I just want to move on, yet answers keep finding me. Truth has a way of revealing itself.
Today, I went to Happy Hour with the other third grade teachers and a few others. They all started talking about how happy they were about the big switch. It's nice: They like having me and I like them too. Then, they started talking about the day when they found out about the switch.
APPARENTLY, the former principal walked into their pod and told them, "This is my final gift to you." Nice. So professional.
She first tells me, "I have no choice. I need to do what's best for kids, and your test scores... I'm just not sure how successful you would be... Have a lovely summer and if you want you can even switch your room when you get back to school. Isn't it great news I pushed this through now and you're not finding out in July?" She watched me cry and get so upset. I believe the only thing I said was the word "no" in response to her question if I was okay. Honestly, how the Hell is her reaction to that going to the third grade teachers and telling them this is a gift for them?
She immediately turns around walks across the school and tells that team, "This is my gift to you."
It is a really good thing she is at a different school because if I ever had to hear her bragging about how compassionate she is or her big heart again, I think I would throw whatever was in my hand at her.
I might not have done well in all of my interactions with her, but I had more heart than that.
I know there is no use being irritated with this. I have to let it go, but it sucks. She lied to me so much in ways that really hurt my confidence.
She came through my school the other day and left a note on my board. I have no earthly idea why, because we didn't exactly part on good terms. The note said "Principal X misses Miss Understood and Third Graders." Another lie; no doubt. The only note I want to see from her begins and ends with "I'm Sorry."
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