It's that time of year: the time of year when I start realizing that my job is in jeopardy. Last year, I struggled with the prospect of losing my job (if you haven't read that and you're interested you can read this).
Well, I am another year older and have another year more experience and I am back in the same place: waiting to find out if I lose my job. I am going to the board meeting tonight to hear if we will continue all day K. If not, once again, the implications are clear. There will be major job loss. Possibly mine...
You know, this year, the prospect of losing my job doesn't upset me too much. Maybe it is because I don't have a false sense of job security anymore or maybe it is because I am already getting burnt out, but I just think I will be okay with it if there is a reduction in force that costs me my job.
So, we'll see what happens, but I honestly don't have anxiety like I did before and I don't feel any more secure in my job than I did last year.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Three Letter Word
Oh, here we go! I've wanted to blog about this topic for a while, but the topic never came up. If you want, you can pretend that I am saying this to you coyly over a candlelit dinner, because I am talking about SEX.
I was watching OWN (yeah, I like it okay--I'm corny like that), and I saw this story the Oprah show was thinking of running about the 30 year-old virgin. They couldn't agree about whether being a thirty year old virgin meant there was something wrong with you. Finally, they concluded that in America it is very odd.
Okay, I'm not going to say that it is the norm--yes, I know that it is not. I just think that having traditional views about sex doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Aside from my religious beliefs, I look at it like this: choices about romance and sex say a lot about what you really want out of a relationship.
I was raised with really traditional views on sex. I remember my mom telling me that if I had sex outside of marriage then someday I would meet my husband and have to tell him about my past and it would be hard. Based on my experience, it is going to be a lot harder explaining to him that he's it.
Alright, time to close with a personal story for your amusement. One time I was out drinking with friends and this guy was coming on to me. "You really resistant to alcohol," he told me. "No, I'm really resistant to sex I don't want to have," I told him. I like to get to the point.
I was watching OWN (yeah, I like it okay--I'm corny like that), and I saw this story the Oprah show was thinking of running about the 30 year-old virgin. They couldn't agree about whether being a thirty year old virgin meant there was something wrong with you. Finally, they concluded that in America it is very odd.
Okay, I'm not going to say that it is the norm--yes, I know that it is not. I just think that having traditional views about sex doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Aside from my religious beliefs, I look at it like this: choices about romance and sex say a lot about what you really want out of a relationship.
I was raised with really traditional views on sex. I remember my mom telling me that if I had sex outside of marriage then someday I would meet my husband and have to tell him about my past and it would be hard. Based on my experience, it is going to be a lot harder explaining to him that he's it.
Alright, time to close with a personal story for your amusement. One time I was out drinking with friends and this guy was coming on to me. "You really resistant to alcohol," he told me. "No, I'm really resistant to sex I don't want to have," I told him. I like to get to the point.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Justice
I've been having some family issues that feel surreal because I haven't really had contact with my dad's side of the family in a long time. In October, my Grandmother on that side passed away.
I haven't heard much news about my dad in a long time. Unfortunately, I did hear recently about how he treated his mother in her final days. I guess I shouldn't be surprised because he obviously treated his own family terribly, but I was surprised. She requested him to come see her when she knew she was going to die. He refused because he didn't want to see her like that. He broke her heart once when he abandoned his own family and then again in the end.
Well,his father will probably never forgive him for that. I can't say I blame my Grandfather. I choose to forgive my dad for what he did to us, but he hasn't been here continually hurting me. Anyway, apparently my Grandfather is disinheriting my dad and leaving his share to my brothers and I. I don't care about the money and it won't be much anyway, but there is some justice in this. I am a fan of forgiveness and I wish everyone would make peace because you can't be at peace until you make peace with others, but I am still a fan of justice.
I haven't heard much news about my dad in a long time. Unfortunately, I did hear recently about how he treated his mother in her final days. I guess I shouldn't be surprised because he obviously treated his own family terribly, but I was surprised. She requested him to come see her when she knew she was going to die. He refused because he didn't want to see her like that. He broke her heart once when he abandoned his own family and then again in the end.
Well,his father will probably never forgive him for that. I can't say I blame my Grandfather. I choose to forgive my dad for what he did to us, but he hasn't been here continually hurting me. Anyway, apparently my Grandfather is disinheriting my dad and leaving his share to my brothers and I. I don't care about the money and it won't be much anyway, but there is some justice in this. I am a fan of forgiveness and I wish everyone would make peace because you can't be at peace until you make peace with others, but I am still a fan of justice.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
It's a Sad Day
It is a sad day here today. I guess it is a sad day for our country, but particularly for this state (http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2011/01/08/20110108arizona-giffords-brk.html).
My state has passed a concealed weapon law recently that allows people to carry a concealed weapon without a permit. There's always been a lot of guns in my state, but lately it's been excessive. People are packing in the supermarket. I always see multiple people with guns in the back of their pants at church!
Earlier this week actually, someone started taking hostages at the Baja Fresh by the mall about a half mile away from my house. A school in my district (actually the school I live closest to) was put on lockdown. All the students and teachers had to remain locked in the building two hours after school was let out because a gunman was running around.
Now with this incident in a city not too far south of here, I am really wishing we had better laws to regulate guns. I started thinking about some of my experiences with guns and I wondered if I've been oblivious to how negatively the abundance of guns has affected my life. I just haven't lived outside of this state since I was 4 (other than college). Here's some of the ways I've been effected. Tell me if you've had a similar experience. I'd like to hear how it is elsewhere.
1.)Road Rage
The road rage in this city is bad. When I was 17 years old, we were on the freeway driving to the location where our prom was being held, and the car in front of us thought we had cut them off. They pulled out a gun and pointed it at us. We got off immediately (thankfully there wasn't too much traffic), and nothing happened but I don't know if anything would have.
2.) In My Personal Life
This year, when my friend left her unstable husband, one of the reasons that I felt so unsafe is that he owned a gun store and had a personal collection of over twenty guns. One night, right after it all happened, my phone rang from a blocked number at about 2:30am. I was worried that he was outside my house trying to find out if I was at home. I had no idea what to do. Again, nothing happened, but if guns hadn't been involved in that whole situation, I don't think I would have been scared at all.
3.) At School
When I taught fifth grade, we had a very hostile and disturbed young man in the class next door to me. One day, the mom called the school to say that she couldn't find her gun and she was worried that her son had it in his backpack. Now, I'm going to be forthcoming with the fact that I think the principal handled this poorly and should have called the police, but this is what happened. She ordered this young man's teacher to search his backpack because the parents had given permission. The teacher asked me to be present while she searched the backpack because she was afraid if he had just thrown it in his backpack with the safety off or there was anything else in there (with this kid anything could have been in his backpack. So, this teacher and I looked through his backpack and didn't find anything. His mom actually called later in the day to say she found the gun.
Well, this posts has been about guns, but I recognize that the tragedy is not. If your reading this I hope your thoughts and prayers will be with the victims and families--mine are.
My state has passed a concealed weapon law recently that allows people to carry a concealed weapon without a permit. There's always been a lot of guns in my state, but lately it's been excessive. People are packing in the supermarket. I always see multiple people with guns in the back of their pants at church!
Earlier this week actually, someone started taking hostages at the Baja Fresh by the mall about a half mile away from my house. A school in my district (actually the school I live closest to) was put on lockdown. All the students and teachers had to remain locked in the building two hours after school was let out because a gunman was running around.
Now with this incident in a city not too far south of here, I am really wishing we had better laws to regulate guns. I started thinking about some of my experiences with guns and I wondered if I've been oblivious to how negatively the abundance of guns has affected my life. I just haven't lived outside of this state since I was 4 (other than college). Here's some of the ways I've been effected. Tell me if you've had a similar experience. I'd like to hear how it is elsewhere.
1.)Road Rage
The road rage in this city is bad. When I was 17 years old, we were on the freeway driving to the location where our prom was being held, and the car in front of us thought we had cut them off. They pulled out a gun and pointed it at us. We got off immediately (thankfully there wasn't too much traffic), and nothing happened but I don't know if anything would have.
2.) In My Personal Life
This year, when my friend left her unstable husband, one of the reasons that I felt so unsafe is that he owned a gun store and had a personal collection of over twenty guns. One night, right after it all happened, my phone rang from a blocked number at about 2:30am. I was worried that he was outside my house trying to find out if I was at home. I had no idea what to do. Again, nothing happened, but if guns hadn't been involved in that whole situation, I don't think I would have been scared at all.
3.) At School
When I taught fifth grade, we had a very hostile and disturbed young man in the class next door to me. One day, the mom called the school to say that she couldn't find her gun and she was worried that her son had it in his backpack. Now, I'm going to be forthcoming with the fact that I think the principal handled this poorly and should have called the police, but this is what happened. She ordered this young man's teacher to search his backpack because the parents had given permission. The teacher asked me to be present while she searched the backpack because she was afraid if he had just thrown it in his backpack with the safety off or there was anything else in there (with this kid anything could have been in his backpack. So, this teacher and I looked through his backpack and didn't find anything. His mom actually called later in the day to say she found the gun.
Well, this posts has been about guns, but I recognize that the tragedy is not. If your reading this I hope your thoughts and prayers will be with the victims and families--mine are.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I'm Falling Off the Wagon Already
Today's Word of Wisdom: When your house starts looking like an office and your office starts looking like a house, you've gone too far.
My New Year's resolution, as usual, was to be more balanced and less ruled by work. It's not going very well.
Tonight I brought home all of this work and organized my stations of work into piles all over the living room floor. My mom called to see if I would come over for dinner, so I left all that stuff out. I got back and it was so depressing because I really turned my home into an office.
Then I realized that lately I want to buy things that should be for home for work and things that should be for work for home. I think to myself, "You know what I need? A better chair for work! I am always there and it would be more comfortable. I need a Fabreeze plug in for my classroom." Then, I start thinking about how I need a file box for home, so I can file away all the work I do at home. Pretty soon I'll be voluntarily moving my bed into the pod of our third grade classrooms and wall papering my living room with data charts.
It is not right.
P.S. Sorry for the gratuitous profanity at the beginning of this video, but seriously, this song suits my situation. Plus, this concert looks fun...
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The Name Game
My brother and his wife are expecting their second child, a son. (That sounded very Biblical, no? I didn't do it on purpose; I told you I have a theological background.) Anyway, they have been going through the process of selecting a name. All this name drama has made me realize that being a teacher makes it nearly impossible to name a child.
I just realize that I have so much history with so many names that it would be hard to find one that works. For example, it only takes one bad "Jackson" or "McKenzie" to ruin a name. After spending a year of my life saying, "Kyler, don't touch him. Kyler, I said get back to your seat. Kyler, we're waiting for you. Kyler, we don't talk in the hallway. Kyler. Kyler!" I just wouldn't have the heart to name my own child Kyler. Even though I know that a whole new set of memories that are more important would redefine the name in my heart, I couldn't do it because of something else. There would come a day, in the future with my own child, when I became frustrated with that child. I would say to him, "Kyler, we are running late; let's go right now," and suddenly it would happen. The frustration and the name and the tone would transport me back to 2007. I would half expect "bad Kyler" to come running down my stairway. Actually if I ever have my own children, I am just going to get a baby book and cross out all the "no"s first. It will be best to get that out of the way.
As my brother and his wife brainstormed names for their child, I had my own conversation in my head that went something like the following.
"We should name him Ben."
Ben--Exposed himself on the school bus to an entire bus full of children.
"We should name him Mason."
Yeah, if you want him to throw himself on the floor and throw temper tantrums.
"How about Michael?"
Why don't you just gage his ears for him during infancy? He'll clearly end up goth anyways.
I don't say any of this out loud. My brother and his wife are still kind of mad at me because when they wanted to name their daughter Uvi, I told them it was too anatomical. Seriously, think about it: Uvi. They should thank me for helping them dodge the bullet on that one.
--I promise not to tell them about Kyler, though.
I just realize that I have so much history with so many names that it would be hard to find one that works. For example, it only takes one bad "Jackson" or "McKenzie" to ruin a name. After spending a year of my life saying, "Kyler, don't touch him. Kyler, I said get back to your seat. Kyler, we're waiting for you. Kyler, we don't talk in the hallway. Kyler. Kyler!" I just wouldn't have the heart to name my own child Kyler. Even though I know that a whole new set of memories that are more important would redefine the name in my heart, I couldn't do it because of something else. There would come a day, in the future with my own child, when I became frustrated with that child. I would say to him, "Kyler, we are running late; let's go right now," and suddenly it would happen. The frustration and the name and the tone would transport me back to 2007. I would half expect "bad Kyler" to come running down my stairway. Actually if I ever have my own children, I am just going to get a baby book and cross out all the "no"s first. It will be best to get that out of the way.
As my brother and his wife brainstormed names for their child, I had my own conversation in my head that went something like the following.
"We should name him Ben."
Ben--Exposed himself on the school bus to an entire bus full of children.
"We should name him Mason."
Yeah, if you want him to throw himself on the floor and throw temper tantrums.
"How about Michael?"
Why don't you just gage his ears for him during infancy? He'll clearly end up goth anyways.
I don't say any of this out loud. My brother and his wife are still kind of mad at me because when they wanted to name their daughter Uvi, I told them it was too anatomical. Seriously, think about it: Uvi. They should thank me for helping them dodge the bullet on that one.
--I promise not to tell them about Kyler, though.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Portraits of Teaching: Idealism Meets Reality
Meyers Brigg's personality profile describes the personality known as teacher as an idealist. I don't know if all of us in teaching fit into that box. My personality profile for one, was not the teacher, but in the dialogue that I opened up on this blog about how we, as teachers, view our craft I saw a theme of idealism and hope colored by difficult realities. You can read the full interviews with edubloggers below. I decided to sum it up with some quotes illustrating the hope that propels and the reality that startles.
Idealism and Hope:
"I CARE about how well my students do." --Mrs. Chilli
"That lightbulb moment - that moment when the student GETS IT - whether it is a concept in math or his/her worthiness as a human being." --Ricochet
"Almost everyone I know who is attracted to this profession did it because they care about others--specifically children." --Miss Understood
"I know I have something to give them that will help them get along in the world, something that will ease their way and make their lives richer and more productive."--Mrs. Chilli
"Exploring ideas. I love it, particularly when they're ideas I'm familiar with but I'm re-exploring them with people for whom they're new. My students help me see the material with fresh eyes." --Clix
"I went into teaching to help kids." --Ms. Teacher
"It matters to me that my kids are safe and well cared for." --Mrs. Chilli
"Those kids have personalities that defy description, and they are the ones who keep coming back to say hi... That's a bonus to the job." --Cupcake
"My students are the best thing about teaching... Its why I wanted to be a teacher and the reason why I continue to do it."--SmWonder00
"It matters to me that they be given the space they need to grow and change and to sometimes fall flat on their faces." --Mrs. Chilli
Hard Realities:
"No amount of skills, hard work, and caring spirit have a 100% success rate."--Ms. Understood
"Right now, it's all about passing tests, as opposed to showing growth." --Cupcake
"We are being othered. I hear ALL THE TIME that "everyone knows who the bad teachers are."... What people mean by this is that somewhere else, in some OTHER area, there are bad teachers who need to be fired." --Clix
"So, I've had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I am not enough." --Ms. Understood
"I hold book fairs and bake sales and I beg my friends and family and the members of my community to give our school the things we need because we don’t have the money to buy them." --Mrs. Chilli
"When you can't be Superman, you are a disappointment."--Ms. Understood
"The emotional toll it takes on the teacher, trying to do the right thing by everybody: the student, the administration, the colleagues, the parents, the state, the teacher." --Ricochet
"I guess I expected that most everybody respected and liked teachers, so it's been a shock to find out how many people in the general public do not hold this same point of view." --Ms. Teacher
"I had no idea that I would have to deal with anything like that before I started teaching." --Ms. Understood
I don't usually explain the music I choose to accompany a post. Did you know I do that? I chose Juliana Theory's "Into the Darkness" to represent this post because in reading all the interviews I see the heroism in teaching. A good teacher is someone who acts on hope in the face of great challenges to that hope. Reality will come. Whatever age or subject you teach, it is the belief in possibilities that makes it worth it. Thanks to all who participated in my interview. May you find and bring hope in 2011!
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